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Accepting a friend’s generous offer could save my life – and someone else’s

February 21, 2012 By Emily 16 Comments

A little heavy for a blog entry, huh?  I post my share of light-hearted stuff, so bear with me.

On Sunday, I posted about it being DonateLife week, but didn’t really explain why I support it. My friends called me on it. The word ‘gutless’ may have been used. Lovingly, of course.

So here goes. I’d like to think that I’d support DonateLife week anyway, but the main reason I support it is because organ donation has affected my family, and will affect me directly in the future.

I have polycystic kidney disease (PKD). Boohoo, sniff, woe is me. I’m not saying this for sympathy, but to set the scene. It doesn’t make me special: in fact, according to trusted information source Wikipedia, PKD is the most common life-threatening genetic disease, affecting an estimated 12.5 million people worldwide. And, amazingly, Wikiworld even manages to provide a source for this figure, so it must be true. At least, it was in 2004.

There are lots of technical explanations of the disease out there, but here’s my attempt in layman’s terms: I have cysts on my kidneys. My kidneys will continue to grow cysts. There are many related side effects which are fun enough to deal with (including high blood pressure and the development of cranial aneurysms), but the most obvious impact is that these cysts impair my kidney function, and as they continue to form and grow, my kidney function will become progressively worse. At some stage, I will probably need dialysis to aid in kidney function. And at some point, my kidneys will fail me completely, and I will need a new one in order to survive.

I’ve known this for quite a while and am okay with it. My family and friends are amazingly supportive, and I’ve even had a few kidney offers from them. I’ve always thought that I couldn’t take a kidney from someone I know and love. But one friend in particular hasn’t just offered, but talks and acts as if the deal is done. She is adamant that I will have her kidney.

She travels the world, and ends every tale of her travels with, “but don’t worry, my kidneys are still good.” When I’m exhausted and having a sook about how tired my assorted medications make me, she taps her lower back and says, “I’m ready, just tell me when!” She often asks me which kidney I’d prefer. “Right or left, Emmo, your choice.” And when I mention that Cameron has also offered his kidney, she pfffffffts. “Pffffffft, you can’t both go through the surgery at the same time. You have a family.”

Adamant.

I usually wave these comments off. But the more I think about, the worse the alternative looks, and not just for me. If I refuse the offer of a kidney from a dear friend who is genuine and selfless in her offer, then am I sending a message to the universe that I’m hoping someone who happens to be a match for me will die (and happen to be an organ donor)? And even if I don’t believe that my need caused some cosmic butterfly effect that resulted in the death of a stranger, what about the next person on the donor list who missed out on the kidney I ended up with because I was too proud to accept the best gift someone could give me?

And that’s assuming I ever actually make it anywhere near the top of the list myself.

I used to be certain I’d say no, but now I’m not so sure. Of course, even if I say okay, let’s give it a go, there are lots of things that can stop us. The odds are definitely against my friend being a match for me. But I have to make the decision as to whether we will test the feasibility.

This is something I don’t have to decide now, or even soon. But the time gets closer every day.

DonateLife week is about prompting discussion of organ donation, with a focus on registering as an organ donor and letting your family know your wishes. It’s not about living donation.

So why support it? Because not everyone has a friend who is adamant that they will give you a kidney. And not everyone has a condition affecting an organ that can be received from a living donor.

Sorry. Heavy day. Hopefully I learn something light and fluffy tomorrow.

Has organ donation affected you or your family? Do you have a donation story to share?

Filed Under: (Un)health

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Comments

  1. Mrs Savage says

    February 21, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    I don’t have a story to share but what a wonderful friend. I’m on the organ donor register, I encourage people to do the same.

    Reply
  2. Bee says

    February 21, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    I don’t have a story to share either and I’m sorry you are battling with this. I am VERY pro-organ donation. I think it should be something that everyone talks about and follows through on. And not just for themselves, parents need to discuss about it if, god forbid, one of their children should pass as well.

    Reply
  3. Jess@Diary of a SAHM says

    February 21, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    Wow thanks for sharing! I don’t have a personal story, but I am pro donation. In fact I’d be quite happy to give you a kidney to if you really needed it. I have two you know 😉

    Reply
  4. Rhianna says

    February 22, 2012 at 12:41 am

    No story to share from me either but your friend is awesome. I would give one of mine away if need be as well. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to you

    Reply
  5. My Mummy Daze says

    February 22, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Heavy day indeed. What a huge reality you deal with on a daily basis. Your friend is an angel for being so giving! I empathise was your reluctance to accept her offer though. Fi xx

    Reply
  6. Emily says

    February 22, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Thanks everyone. I was really (really really) nervous about this post because I don’t like to play the feel sorry for me card, especially when there are much worse things to be burdened with!

    You’re all 100% correct, my friend is amazing, as are all of my friends and family.

    Reply
  7. Misha - TheBlingBuoy says

    February 22, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    Wow. Powerful story. I have a friend who recently gave one kidney for her sister. Both are back to full health now, which is awesome. I am pro organ donation too.

    Reply
    • Emily says

      March 3, 2014 at 9:47 pm

      I’m glad they’re back to full health. What a wonderful thing to do for your sister.

      Reply
  8. nicole says

    February 25, 2014 at 10:54 pm

    oh wow! what a great friend!
    i hope, when and if the time comes, everything goes smoothly, and that there are many more donate life weeks between now and then to drum up support and numbers on the donor list!
    xo

    Reply
    • Emily says

      March 3, 2014 at 9:47 pm

      Thanks Nicole. She is really amazing. I must tell her. Again.

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Top web reads of the week says:
    January 15, 2015 at 9:46 pm

    […] marks the start of DonateLife Week. DonateLife Week is a cause close to my heart – and my kidneys – and I encourage all of you to think about whether you want to register to become an […]

    Reply
  2. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again says:
    February 15, 2015 at 3:02 pm

    […] syndrome (PCOS). Despite the similar names, it has nothing to do with the fact that I have polycystic kidney disease (PKD). Nor is it thought to be related to, nor a result of, my aneurysms, blood pressure or any of […]

    Reply
  3. It’s Red Undies Week! says:
    February 17, 2015 at 6:34 am

    […] written about my kidney health problems, and promoted DonateLife Week and World Kidney […]

    Reply
  4. Today is World Kidney Day! says:
    February 25, 2015 at 8:55 pm

    […] have polycystic kidney disease, so, unsurprisingly, spreading the word about kidney health is important to me. But not as […]

    Reply
  5. My kidney health story so far (#KHW15, May 24-30) says:
    May 19, 2015 at 1:49 pm

    […] something I’ve discussed on the blog before. But it’s been a while. And things have changed around here since then. So it’s time […]

    Reply
  6. As DonateLife Week ends, FAST Month begins says:
    May 26, 2015 at 6:16 am

    […] year, during DonateLife Week, I shared my own story. It’s not a donation story – yet – but it shows that awareness of organ and […]

    Reply

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Hi! I’m Emily

I parent. I write. I blog. I play with words and numbers in my head. Constantly. It's crowded in there.

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