Welcome to the second ever You learn something new every day guest post! Hooray says everyone!
Please welcome Lady Daa Doo to the stage. I started following her blog late last year, and now find it easy to get my recommended daily intake of laughter by reading the tales of her life and, in particular, her wedding planning. As I hit publish, there are now 79 days and 4 hours until her wedding… but who’s counting?!
So read on for laughs, a life lesson, and more laughs from the inimitable Lady Daa Doo. *Applause*
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THE LETTUCE LASAGNE METHOD
I’m getting married in May and have embraced the whole bridezilla experience. I ordered my wedding dress last September and in consultation with my brideszilla entourage I made the decision to get the dress made a size too small. Of course I could lose weight in time. The wedding was months away!!!
The saleslady rolled her eyes and made me sign a disclaimer stating I was aware the dress was too small and they will not be held responsible for any problems that arise from being too fat to fit into it.
I scoffed at the saleslady, smiled at my entourage, and happily signed away. Of course I could lose weight. The wedding was months away!!
We left the dress shop that day, bitching about how much of a bitch the saleslady was, and we talked about how skinny and fabulous we will all be! Of course we could lose weight. The wedding was months away!!
Fast forward to January when I had an OH! SHIT! moment after jumping on the scales. I’d frigging put on weight!! Nearly a dress size!! I thought about that bitchy saleslady, with her rolly eyes. I wanted to punch her and shove the scales up her butt. She had cursed me!!
It was her fault I’d had an indulgent October, November and December where I had slobbed around, stuffed food down my neck with both hands, and did absolutely no exercise!! What a bitch!
Now it’s February and I’m existing on lettuce leaves and dust! Since being on the Lettuce and Dust
Diet I have been buying lettuce in bulk. I had problems storing all the lettuce and eating it before it
got slimy, until I discovered a fantastic lettuce storage method…….
I call it The Lettuce Lasagne Method. This method will help keep your lettuce fresh and
fabulous for weeks!! It is so good, I just had to share it with you!!
To create your own Lettuce Lasagne you will need the following:
1. A large container that can be sealed tight with a lid
2. A roll of paper towel
3. A lot of lettuce
4. A sexy pink nail polish
Follow these easy 10 steps and you are on your way to losing weight by eating lovely lettuce
that is weeks old!!
STEP 10
Serve lettuce on a plate with a generous serving of dust. Wash it all down with a chilled glass of
air.
It is now mid-February and I have lost 4.3 kgs. I owe it all to The Lettuce Lasagne Method. Without
such fresh lettuce I would simply be existing on dust and slimy soggy lettuce.
I have another 5kgs to go. My dress arrives in March and I look forward to putting on my biggest
baddest bridezilla attitude (plus I will wear my big sucky-in-guts pants). I will stomp into that shop,
pick up my dress and flip her the bird on my way out. Oh how I long for that day!
In the meantime, can you please pass the dust.
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| Much adoo about nothing |
Oh I can so relate to that post! Wedding is in April and I still have 6-7kgs to get rid of before then. I seem to have a little problem connecting that fact with my diet this week and probably will undo all of last weeks work. Grrr.
I am tempted to just waddle down the aisle and be done with it. Sick of being hungry, sick of getting up early to exercise. Maybe I’ll start a new trend?
Hi Bali Bride, Im sick of being hungry, and exercise……. well ouch!! I believe that a good spray tan will always take off a couple of kilos. So you only have to lose 4-5 kilos . Best wishes for your wedding. You will be beautiful 🙂
Thanks for visiting, Bali Bride. Good luck preparing for your wedding! I hope you have a fab day.
And waddling is so hot right now. You could even change your wedding song to suit. How about ‘Five little ducks’?
I agree! Waddling is so hot right now!!
Thanks for having me as a guest post Em :))
The pleasure is all mine, your gorgeous Lady-ness! xo
Very good!
I am sure that part of the weight loss comes from the time taken to assemble and unpack the lettuce lasagne which reduces overall eating time.
Hope your honeymoon comes with some lovely real food!
Hahahah!! Thanks Jacki, I think you have it all figured out. That must be what the weight loss is from :))
I am going to NZ for my honeymoon so there will be lots of yummy food. I can’t wait (or weight).
I think you dismissed the slimy lettuce diet too quickly… have you not heard of “the food poisoning diet”. Kidding. KIDDING! Does the lettuce layering really work? I’ve never heard of it. I might try it myself. Good luck for your wedding day! Found you via Dr Bron. 🙂
Ooooh that’s another solution!! Food poisoning! If I write about that I will be sure to include pictures. Lol kidding!
Thanks for the well wishes for my wedding day, it’s only 10 weeks away.
P.S. the layering really does work 😉
Jackie K and Misha – thanks for visiting! Glad you enjoyed the guest post.