Welcome to the second ever You learn something new every day guest post! Hooray says everyone!
Please welcome Lady Daa Doo to the stage. I started following her blog late last year, and now find it easy to get my recommended daily intake of laughter by reading the tales of her life and, in particular, her wedding planning. As I hit publish, there are now 79 days and 4 hours until her wedding… but who’s counting?!
So read on for laughs, a life lesson, and more laughs from the inimitable Lady Daa Doo. *Applause*
THE LETTUCE LASAGNE METHOD
I’m getting married in May and have embraced the whole bridezilla experience. I ordered my wedding dress last September and in consultation with my brideszilla entourage I made the decision to get the dress made a size too small. Of course I could lose weight in time. The wedding was months away!!!
The saleslady rolled her eyes and made me sign a disclaimer stating I was aware the dress was too small and they will not be held responsible for any problems that arise from being too fat to fit into it.
I scoffed at the saleslady, smiled at my entourage, and happily signed away. Of course I could lose weight. The wedding was months away!!
We left the dress shop that day, bitching about how much of a bitch the saleslady was, and we talked about how skinny and fabulous we will all be! Of course we could lose weight. The wedding was months away!!
Fast forward to January when I had an OH! SHIT! moment after jumping on the scales. I’d frigging put on weight!! Nearly a dress size!! I thought about that bitchy saleslady, with her rolly eyes. I wanted to punch her and shove the scales up her butt. She had cursed me!!
It was her fault I’d had an indulgent October, November and December where I had slobbed around, stuffed food down my neck with both hands, and did absolutely no exercise!! What a bitch!
Now it’s February and I’m existing on lettuce leaves and dust! Since being on the Lettuce and Dust
Diet I have been buying lettuce in bulk. I had problems storing all the lettuce and eating it before it
got slimy, until I discovered a fantastic lettuce storage method…….
I call it The Lettuce Lasagne Method. This method will help keep your lettuce fresh and
fabulous for weeks!! It is so good, I just had to share it with you!!
To create your own Lettuce Lasagne you will need the following:
1. A large container that can be sealed tight with a lid
2. A roll of paper towel
3. A lot of lettuce
4. A sexy pink nail polish
Follow these easy 10 steps and you are on your way to losing weight by eating lovely lettuce
that is weeks old!!
Serve lettuce on a plate with a generous serving of dust. Wash it all down with a chilled glass of
It is now mid-February and I have lost 4.3 kgs. I owe it all to The Lettuce Lasagne Method. Without
such fresh lettuce I would simply be existing on dust and slimy soggy lettuce.
I have another 5kgs to go. My dress arrives in March and I look forward to putting on my biggest
baddest bridezilla attitude (plus I will wear my big sucky-in-guts pants). I will stomp into that shop,
pick up my dress and flip her the bird on my way out. Oh how I long for that day!
In the meantime, can you please pass the dust.
adoo about nothing