emhawkerblog

The blog about reading, writing, singing, familying and verbing.

We didn’t start the mummy wars

By 58 Comments

The mummy wars. Whether you believe in them or not, you can’t deny that there is plenty of parental judgement going on.

I know that not everyone is judging you, and that we often read more into situations than is actually there. But sometimes it’s undeniable.

I’ve experienced a bit of judgement and hypocrisy lately, and at one point I snapped. (Not this time, obviously. Another time.). I put someone back in their place and, although it probably didn’t change their opinion of me personally, perhaps it will stop them next time they feel like passing comment on a stranger.
 
Anyway. Enough preamble. Here is We didn’t start the mummy wars, to the tune of Billy Joel’s We didn’t start the fire.


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Gwyneth Paltrow’s in the news, Kochie’s got breastfeeding views

Celebrity post-baby pics (the 57th take)
This person thinks it’s a doddle, that one thinks you mollycoddle
It seems you’ll make the wrong choices, whichever ones you make
Conceive early, trouble trying, IVF, egg-buying
Single parent, loved-up, part of a parenting team
Natural birth, C-section, water homebirth election,
Hospital stay, home the same day, whatever the dream
 
We didn’t start the mummy wars
They’ve been always flaring
Since we’ve been child-bearing
We didn’t start the mummy wars
If we didn’t ignite them
Why do we still fight them?
Breastfeeding, latch on, it’s too hard, you’ll catch on
Bottle feed, formula, pump milk with a machine
Mastitis, milk flow, solids, babycino
Strict schedule, bub-led weaning, something in between
Gluten-free, lactose-free, fish and chips with sauce for tea,
Organic, probiotic, low in salt and fat
Pre-packaged, processed, ‘superfoods’ are best
Allergens, additives, what’s with all of that?
We didn’t start the mummy wars
They’ve been always raging
But we’re still engaging
We didn’t start the mummy wars
No we didn’t plan them
So let’s try to can them
 
Bassinet, bed, cot, video feed, zoom shot
Baby sling, pram, stroller, capsule in the car
Controlled crying, let ’em weep, cuddle always, co-sleep
Shush now, earplugs, twinkle little star
 
Love the mum life, afterglow, PND, feeling low
Out and about, social life, stay at home at first
Nappies of cloth or plastic, stud buttons or elastic
Up a size, wear ’em loose, wear ’em ’til they burst
 
We didn’t start the mummy wars
Someone just decided
Mums should be derided 
We didn’t start the mummy wars
So please stop the scoring
‘Cause I’m sick of warring
 
Only child, pigeon pair, the third one was an accident, yeah?
One-year gap, ten years, match it up to your peers
Stay-at-home, full-time work, part-time work, freelance work
Home all day, child care, why does everybody care?
Kindergarten, primary school, ballet classes, swimming pool
Homeschool, learn through play, what else do I have to say?
 
We didn’t start the mummy wars
But we’re always sparring
Feathering and tarring
We didn’t start the mummy wars
If you haven’t worn my shoes
Then don’t mock what I choose
 
Disciplined, in a cage, let ’em loose, free-range
Time outs, mummy doubts, baby whispers, toddler shouts
Devil baby, angel child, feisty player, meek and mild
Pays attention, likes to learn, ants in pants, energy to burn
Big tantrum in public, everybody’s frantic
Shoulda coulda woulda done, stranger tries to smack your son
Loud yelling, deep discussions, excuses, repercussions
She should know better, she’s only four

I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE
 
We didn’t start the mummy wars
People judging others
Focusing on mothers
We didn’t start the mummy wars
I hope that when I’m gone
They won’t still rage on, and on, and on, and on…
 
—-
 
 
 
Are you sick of the mummy wars? I feel like I’m only scratching the surface. What else fuels them?๏ปฟ

Comments

  1. This is a prize example of why you are AWESOME YLSNED! By the time my second child came around I was so completely over the Mummy wars. Everyone is doing the best that they can.

    Reply

  2. Great lyrics Em. I seriously think you have too much time on your hands! xx
    There is no normal, no perfect when it comes to kids. No one has a right to cast stones, we all make mistakes somewhere along the line. We do what works for us and our kids, which makes it right for us. We need to remember that it may not be right for someone else’s situation.

    Reply

    • Quite the opposite – my day is so BUSY and FULL with the mundane that my brain goes on little holidays to come up with this stuff!

      Reply

  3. You’re a genius Em. You need to film one of these as a parody video on Youtube and become FAMOUS. I know you can sing. It’s one of those secrets you let out of the bag. xx

    Reply

  5. Great song! I don’t know why people get so judgeymcjudgey about it all….it’s like no other experience on the planet (people wouldn’t openly slag off your decisions to your face)

    Reply

  10. Love the tantrum bit… she’s only four! I’ll remember this the next time my only four year old chucks a tantrum. Say, have you actually sung this to the music? Love to see a vlog Em!

    Reply

  14. Super impressed!.. and I am with Bron, by the time I got to number two I just ignored everyone and figured I would raise a feral if needed as I was just over being told ANYTHING X

    Reply

    • Yep, I just smile and nod and feel content in myself, knowing that I’m doing the best job I can.

      Or I smile and nod while my insides twist and turn and the resentment builds. One of the two.

      Reply

  15. OMG! I love this! I’m going to have it stuck in my mind now! So much better (and more relevant) than the Billy Joel original ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply

  22. I’m waiting for the Billy Joel wars to begin. And I submit that it was with “We Didn’t Start the Fire” that the great man’s long musical campaign went sour.

    Reply

  27. Oh brilliant! So good!
    Mummy wars are partly invented and inflamed by magazines (including online ones) . Most women I’ve come across are mutually supportive and agree to disagree on differences. I’ve felt judged a couple of times too, once like you I sharply put someone in their place and they apologized, the other time I just felt like crap at the time and angry later. These days I’m more confident/dismissive, but it took me a while to get there.

    Reply

    • Well said. They are certainly inflamed to sell things – magazines, products, anything. We need to rise above so that things that use them aren’t actually sold!

      Reply

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