Once upon a time, I let out some GGGRRR feelings on the blog. I shared the top five ridiculous things people have said to me about my children.
They’d annoyed me for some time. And it felt good to let them go.
Unfortunately, it didn’t end there. People still feel the need to say things to other people about their children. Some come from a good place. Some things are even appreciated.
But others? Others. Man oh man, some of the others. They could inspire a new song rewrite: Things that make you go HMMM? Things that make you go CAN YOU HEAR YOURSELF? Seriously, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
But instead, I’ll just list some more of them. List them here, and let them go. (In theory.)
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#5. One little treat won’t hurt them.
True. But you have no idea how many treats they’ve had today already, or this week, or this month, or what I’ve got planned for the rest of the day.
Don’t take the fact that I’ve (politely) refused your offer of lollies for my children personally.
#4. I can’t believe you’re feeding your children McDonald’s. When I have children, I’ll never give them junk.
Yes, you will. You will give them junk. You just will. It might not happen often – in fact, this is our first Macca’s visit this year! And you got to see it! Lucky you! – but it will happen.
(And have you noticed that you’ll cop both this statement and one like #5 in the same day? Like, really? Either I give my children too many treats, or too few. I can’t win! Ever!)
#3. Where does his hair come from?
HIS HEAD.
But ‘haha groan yeah but seriously’ answers aside, our son’s carrot-top comes from both sides of the family. That’s how it works 80% of the time, even if you have to go back generations to find it.
(And no, this isn’t a case of 87% of statistics being made up on the spot. Here’s more on red-hair-recessive-gene-sciencing for the curious.)
Aaargh, you still want to know? Fine. He gets it from his paternal grandmother and his maternal grandfather. See? BOTH SIDES.
#2. Geez, he takes a while to warm up to people, doesn’t he?
Someone said this to me less than five minutes after meeting my son. He had just woken from a nap and was not impressed at anything in the world, let alone meeting new people.
So yes, if the alternative is cuddling complete strangers within five minutes of waking from a nap, then my son does in fact take a while to warm up to people.
#1. You’re too soft on her. You should be exposing her to a broader range of fabrics.
My daughter loves fashion. She likes to choose her own outfits every day. She also likes to choose mine. All the time.
She loves dresses and skirts, but when it’s cold, she usually chooses the comfort of leggings or tights. And someone had an opinion about that. Apparently I’m failing at parenthood because my daughter prefers not to wear jeans if she can help it.
Just. Um. What?
At least she’s across the important stuff. Like how to pose for photos.
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Aaaaaaaaaand breathe. Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.
Thank you for reading. It was cathartic to write. I hope it wasn’t painful to read!
What ridiculous things have you been told about your child(ren)?
I hear you!! If it makes any difference, I have teenage boys who can’t stand wearing jeans!!
See?! Not just my child! I assume you don’t think you’re too soft on them?!
I have three kids and all of them refuse to wear jeans.
The most ridiculous things about my girls have come from my own family. Mainly mother mother and a sister I no longer have anything to do with. More having a go at me as a parent and a person and seriously who needs that from strangers let alone family members.
Oh dear. Not fun. I can begin to understand why you no longer have anything to do with her.
If anyone had ever commented on my child’s choice of fabrics… well, I would have laughed in their face. Someone recently commented that when my daughter was young (like 4) she was wild. She never let me comb her hair and wore shorts and t-shirts because she had 4 brothers and was a tomboy. She’s 19 now and dresses like a damn model. I let my kids decide (within reason depending on the climate) what they’d wear. Some people need to stop living vicariously through their kids I think. Let kids develop their own style, I say. Gawd, we have to bow down to so much rubbish when we’re adults… we shouldn’t inflict it on our kids. I think she looks adorable, Emily.
I didn’t laugh in their face, but I did immediately leave the room! I also let my kids decide what they wear. They love it!
Oh Em
There will always be something that someone feels the need to comment on without fail. Though I can’t say I have been criticised for not exposing the kids to a wide enough range of fabrics! My mother typically tells me that I haven’t dressed my children appropriately. Given my son will be 15 in 6mths and my twin daughters are 11 in just over a week there is seriously very little influence I can have over their choice of clothing on any given day.
Mum should know this because she gave up fighting with me about clothing when I was like 3 and would insist on wearing a tiny summer dress in the middle of a Canberra winter and I had to suffer the consequences.
Sending you so many hugs I would love to say it stops but I don’t think it ever does!
Kit xoxo
My brother wore shorts year round when he was younger. Simply refused to wear pants, and my parents didn’t see the point in arguing. They figured that if he got cold he’d put pants on. Actually, I said ‘when he was younger’, but you’ll still usually see him in shorts these days!
What is it with people asking about hair? I’m 43 and *still* get asked number 3 on a very regular basis – which is often followed up with, “Can I touch it?” Not.Even.Kidding. (LOVE your response of ‘his head’ Totally going to use that next time I’m asked where my curls come from…which will probably be tomorrow!)
Oh, how frustrating for you! And please do use it. I want to hear how it goes!
Oh gosh i can’t say how much i relate to ALL THESE THINGS! So sad. People need to mind their own damn business sometimes. Annnnnd breathe!
Feels good to let it out, doesn’t it?
That’s nuts. All of it. I feel your pain.
Interestingly, I look at my kids, and think, where does their hair come from. Because I’m a redhead. Both my parents are redheads, as are my sister, my uncle, my great aunt… But my kids? Have light brown hair. Not like their dad, either.
Genes are weird. But no one ever asks what’s with their hair colour, and it’s a complete mystery to me where it came from.
Genes ARE weird. We knew we had a 25%(ish) chance with each child that they’d be a redhead. Our son also has a redheaded cousin! (Same deal – a grandmother on one side has red hair, and grandfather on the other.)
Can totally relate to the McJudgey junk food one! Xx
Usually it’s just loud sighs or tsk-tsks and pointed looks! Ha!
People say ridiculous, thoughtless things so often. With our youngest, we get asked where her curls come from and we have no idea. That gets me some looks! The funniest is when people ask about how close together in age my big kids are. I explain that two are step children and have lost count of the number of times I’ve been asked “are you sure? They look like you!” No, they don’t, really. And yes, I’m absolutely sure I didn’t give birth to them!!
“Are you sure?” HAHAHAHAHA!
And I think the curly gene is recessive like the red one. So it could be generations back on both sides, and it just never met a partner as it was passed down the line. (Totally guessing. Don’t trust me on this. It’s like trusting Dr Google.)
Grrrrr indeed!! I have heard all of these directed at my children at one point or another. Drives me mad! It seems everyone has an opinion on raising children! And they’re mostly unwanted in my opinion xx
I just figure that if the only bad thing someone can find about my parenting is that I let my daughter wear leggings, I’m doing okay!
I relate to it all. But we’ve had Macca’s a few times this year….
We haven’t, but we live within walking distance of the best fish and chips in Melbourne. They may or may not appear on our dining room table weekly.
Really? Why do people say these things? One of our kids is particularly small, I had a father say to me at football a couple of years ago, “what is going to do next year?” To which I replied, “why what do you mean?”. “Well he’s so small, he cant possibly play football next year”. I just walked away and hit my head on a brick wall, such was the level of intelligence i was dealing with!
For the record, son went on to play for his 8th season and promptly tackled his son (tallest on the opposition). Yep, that’s what he is going to do next year!
WOOHOO! Nice work! I have the opposite story. My name would automatically be down for the high jump every year (after my growth spurt) just because I was tall. I WAS USELESS.
being the youngest of 10 and on the shorter scale of height, I just wish to add my lifelong motto ‘duck n weave’ ‘duck n weave’ yep great forgetting to the front of – well most places actually ….
being the youngest of 10 and on the shorter scale of height, I just wish to add my lifelong motto ‘duck n weave’ ‘duck n weave’ yep great for getting to the front of – well most places actually ….
I refused to wear jeans as a kid because they cut into my stomach and I didn’t like it. And the past year all I’m buying are elastic waisted pants (bonus for period swelling too, you can wear the same clothes).
And I don’t like people when I’ve just woken up either. Do these people think kids are toys to play with?
You’ve given me an idea. This post would also work by asking if any of these statements would be made to adults about their own choices for themselves. “Wow, you’re not a people person, are you?” “Macca’s? Really? Why are you doing it to yourself?”
Haha well not having kids I have to answer as myself to some posts. But it is a good point – kids are still humans with moods and preferences.
I get the treat one! That bugs me so much!
And I think I’m probably guilty of asking about things like hair. But only because I’m generally interested in genetics. I’ll have to remember that might not be the best question to ask.
Also as for the leggings… Ava also hated jeans until about two weeks ago. And that was only because by wearing a pair she was dressed the same as her older sister. Otherwise she also prefers leggings. I do not understand how other people think is is an issue?
Now I feel bad. It’s just so constant. And even from people I know who have studied science and know about recessive genes!
Yep, peer pressure occasionally works for my daughter. She sees someone else wearing jeans and she’ll decide to wear them. Then she’ll remember she doesn’t like it.
Definitely not painful to read, in fact quite the opposite – very entertaining! With Miss 19 I get “Where does she get her height from?!”!!! Which ticks off Mr 21 no end, should he be in earshot …
That must be so annoying! People often express surprise that our daughter is small for her age (my husband and I are both tall), but I had a late growth spurt.
His head, that’s where his bloody hair comes from you GIT! Love this rant, and can relate to most of it! xx
Thanks Em. And I’m going to borrow that exact phrasing next time I’m asked that question!
Seriously, some people make my eyes roll so hard I’m surprised they haven’t rolled right out of my head!
I hear you!
Ahahahah where does the hair come from – HIS HEAD. Love it. I get that with Ash who has a mop of curly hair and I have dead straight hair. I can relate to all of these – All the time. Another one – Oh I wouldn’t let my kids get away with that. Well you’re not me!!
Haha! But also – yes you will. Sometimes. Because you’ll just run out of energy. And you won’t always catch them!
Argh! The ‘slow to warm’ one! If I had a dollar for every time someone said that about my son I’d be a freakin millionaire! I quite like that he’s ‘slow to warm’ it means he’s never going to run into the arms of a stranger!
YES. Exactly. You have to earn his trust.
I get asked, incredulously, ‘you have three boys?’. Yep, they are standing there right in front of you. It’s not that fascinating, truly!
Hahaha! Well, I’ve obviously never had that one! I have had, “Oh, so now you’ve got one of each, you don’t need any more kids!” Just. Um. That’s. Not. How. It. Works.
Awww, I feel for you. I must have a cranky aurora. I don’t tend to get those comments. I do get a lot of comments when I’m out with my children because both of my children are red heads. Usually it’s, “Where do they get their red hair from?” I’ve always told people I think you have to have it from both sides – so your post has also been very helpful on this front too!! I do, however, get the, “He/She takes a while to warm up don’t they?” or something similar. Usually this comes from a person who has been trying to tickle them, or poke them, or has been up in their face… If I’m in a really ‘pleasant’ mood I’ll mention something about THEIR inability to respect personal space and maybe that has something to do with it… But usually I just ‘smile’ and walk away… Unfortunately my children are at the age where they are perfectly capable of giving some smart remark back. Now I’m in trouble!
Yes, nothing worse than when your child clearly doesn’t want to interact with someone and that someone TRIES HARDER. It’s too much! Back off!
People are stupid. I mentioned the Mcdonald’s thing in my post today too. People are entirely too invested in what other people are eating.
And talking about. And wearing. And reading. And…
A BIG yes to number five and number two. My parents are shockers at giving the kids sweet treats. My dad in particular and he’s a diabetic!! As for number two, this happens to me all of the time with my girls. Are they quiet all of the time? Do they ever speak? Do they ever make any noise? Ahh no. They’re mute. WTF do you think?!
I think some people forget that their moods and energy levels change, too.
The hair! Always the bloody hair! Yes, it is a pretty colour. She gets it from her father. Yes, I do tie it back, she pulls it out. I’m sorry it bothers you that it’s in her face, she doesn’t seem to mind one bit.
And honestly, if I could get away with it, I’d want to wear leggings all the time too.
My daughter loves to have her hair out too. Especially when she does gymnastics. It bothers everyone else 150% more than it bothers her!
I used to get that hair one allll the time. My parents are both dark haired and olive skin – I have pale skin and bright red hair as a child.
People shut up once I told them my parents died in a fire and I was adopted. Not true, but it made my dad laugh.
Yep, that would shut people up! Ouch!
I have a 13 year old who still won’t wear jeans if he can help it. And I’m not even going there with a school sweater this year, because he won’t wear wool. “Too itchy”…. If that makes me a bad parent, someone bring me the badge. I will wear it with pride!!! 😀
Too itchy also describes my old school blazer. I feel your son’s pain.
When I was still pregnant I was asked if we’d chosen any names and I stupidly told her our name choice to which she replied “ummm I think you could do better than that, you’ve got a few more months to come up with a better name”. The stupid things start from before they’re even born damit. I’d have to write about 10 blog posts to fit in all the other since she was actually born 😉
Oh my goodness. That’s just plain rude. Beyond rude. Wow. (And I’d definitely read those blog posts!)
Ah… no kids but I can imagine I’d be a bit sensitive re what people were saying TO my kids or to me ABOUT my kids.
Deb
Yep. You tell yourself you can take anything that comes, but some of it is just too ridiculous to get past!
YES! Why are people so rude! I must admit my firstborn never had chocolate until his first Easter – he was about 14 months old then. But it was game over when his sister came along. As for Maccas – I hate the place but thank goodness for it. Saved many a meltdown (mine included). And safe place for playdates, relatively clean toilets on car journeys. I also used to get: You’re not letting them go out like that are you? Yes, yes I was. Half the time if I could get them out of the house in clothes and shoes it was a win. And the treats … people who insisted giving my kids treats who would then throw them up because they were freaking allergic! And on one occasion went into anaphylactic shock. But they knew better … I could go on for ages. Great post!
I’m with you on the chocolate! Neither had it in their first year – I remember giving out goodie bags with sultanas and books at my daughter’s first birthday! Not my most popular moment. Your anaphylaxis moment sounds scary.
Oh, Em! I had to giggle at #3! How annoying is it to hear all these things! I love the ones that come from completely random strangers. Ah, unsolicited comments and opinions! The world would be a boring place without them and the people who make them 🙂
One of these was NOT from a stranger. But no more on that x
How could you not make your daughter wear jeans while giving her a treat but not taking her to Maccas? Awful, awful parenting!
Oh, and just in case it didn’t come across too well, that was sarcasm.
You can’t make this stuff up, can you? Things people say…sigh!
Haha, yep, straight to the Crap Parenting Hall of Fame for me!
Your reply to number 3 is pure gold! They’re your kids and they’re your business! Other people should mind their own! As for your little miss, you should be totes proud of her fashion prowess. She’s such a mini stylista!
Haha, thank you! Yep, it gets used a lot. And it’s never enough. They always keep asking! (And yes, she is. Far more stylish than yours truly!)
Hahaha…. thanks for the chuckle. I’m laughing because I get it. I hear you. I know these one liners all too well. People are so THICK. Why? Why comment? In this world of over sharing on social media I just wonder if people have trouble shutting up even in the flesh now? I have a little guy with long blonde hair and a man bun and he gets comments all the time. I can see why people call him a girl, that doesn’t get my knickers so much in a knot but the comments about, why don’t you just get it cut? drive me bonkers.
The McDonalds one that you mentioned, that really got me boiling because SHUT UP non parenting freak!
Yes, why comment? But it also makes me reflect and wonder how many of these I said pre-kids. Or even since without realising! Gah.
Exposing her to a broader range of FABRICS!? LOL. oh my goodness, not a broader range of literary greats, or free thnkers, or cultures or ideas… Nope, fabrics. Hahahahaha. OMG, I’m dying.
Glad it made you laugh! It makes me laugh now, but for a while there, it produced STEAM instead.
Hahaha! #5 drives me mad! I say “no but I might because after sugar my kids become crazed monsters”.
Also, the “where do they get (insert feature) from?”, my kids all have blue eyes, all 4 of them. I have hazel-but-mostly-brown eyes. People say to me all the time “where did they get their blue eyes from?” I used to say “their Dad and my Dad” but people would gasp horrified at me that somehow I had engaged in reproduction with my Dad. Like seriously?! Do I need to draw them a punnet square every time they ask?
The other thing that drives me mad is that one of my girls has short hair. She is constantly referred to as a boy, when I gently correct people that she is actually a girl they will tell me, “Why do you let her have short hair if you don’t want people to think she’s a boy?”