I quit chocolate last year. For a year. And HOORAY FOR ME!, because it was hard.
I’ve reintroduced chocolate to my life, and I’ve done it just in time. Just in time to welcome two very new, but very dear friends to my life.
Meet Teasers and Mint Twirl.
You read that right. Teasers and Mint Twirl. A chocolate bar made up of Maltesers, and a Twirl infused with chocolate’s best friend, mint.
BE STILL, MY BEATING TASTEBUDS.
But which is better? Meet our two contestants.
Teasers. YUM. Now a staple of my diet.
How best to describe them? Teasers taste like Bertie Beetles (which is strange, because they’re honeycomb-free). But the chocolate is smoother and plentiful, and there is more of everything.
There are ten separate ‘bubbles’, so you could have a few and then save the rest for later. At least, I assume you could. I’ve never been capable of ‘saving chocolate for later’, be it bar, block or mega-block, so I have no tips for achieving this. But if you’re capable of eating a bubble of pure joy, then ignoring the remaining bubbles of pure joy, then go for it.
Oops. Joy is a Cadbury thing, isn’t it? And so are bubbles. REVIEW FAIL. Oh well.
Back to Teasers. The Teasers’ final claim to fame? The best tagline of any chocolate bar, anywhere.
Are you ready? Here it is …
Ten Maltesers walk into a bar.
Cadbury Mint Twirl.
Cadbury. Mint. Twirl.
Seriously. It’s like chocolate-makers have scoured the dictionary for the most perfect three words in the English language, and combined them in a single bar.
It’s crumbly. It’s minty. It melts in your mouth like a crumbly, chocolatey, toothpastey, floaty drop of heaven. Perfect for work, rest and play.
AAARGH. I used the competitors’ slogan again! HOW STUPID AM I?
(I’m ranting. I should eat a Snickers. I’m not myself when I’m hungry.)
The final verdict?
It’s a close one. But … the winner … is …
OH, COME ON!
It’s a one-point win in extra time to the Mint Twirl. (Extra time was a genius move on my part. More taste testing!)
But a word to the wise at the home of Mars: if you happen to release a mint version of the Maltesers Teasers bar, you’ll enjoy my custom for all eternity. Wouldn’t it be nice? (Dagnammit, I did it again!)
Have you tried the Teasers bar, or the Mint Twirl? What did you think? What’s your favourite chocolate?