In November, I wrote a song (well, the lyrics) about the myriad ways I’ve hurt myself in the past.
I kept a few in reserve, and asked you to share a tale or two of uncoordinated woe, thinking I’d add a few verses.
But the response was huge. HUGE. HUGE!
I now have more than enough to fill an entire new song. A rewrite of my rewrite of Dumb ways to die.
Enjoy! And if you have a starring role, give the crowd a wave.
—-
Try to feed a squirrel in a tree
But end up in Emergency (Renee‘s other half)
Burn your lip on a cup (Lydia)
Fall off a bar stool, then whack your head as you get up (Mumabulous)
Dumb ways to get hurt
So many dumb ways to get hurt
Dumb ways to get hu-u-urt
And I’m not the only one!
Break your arm after slipping on the floor
Scrape your ankle on a closing screen door
Get skin stuck in the park swing chain
Roll your ankle on the platform and then limp onto the train
(entire verse inspired by Jackie)
Dumb ways to get hurt
So many dumb ways to get hurt
Dumb ways to get hu-u-urt
And Jackie just might have won!
Act like Spiderman, and climb a wall
Then smash your spine when you fall (Josie – she’s okay now)
Slip down the stairs while holding your phone
And hurt your back, and your leg, and your poor tail bone (Lee-Anne)
Dumb ways to get hurt
So many dumb ways to get hurt
Dumb ways to get hu-u-urt
They may be funny, but they ain’t fun
Lose a chunk of skin in the cheese grater (Katie)
Lose some more peeling a sweet potater (yours truly)
Head a side mirror (back when you weren’t so tall) (Martine)
Fall chin first off a garbage can while playing basketball (Sophie)
Dumb ways to get hurt
So many dumb ways to get hurt
Dumb ways to get hu-u-u-urt…
What silly things we have all done!
Thank you all for contributing to this new list
This isn’t all – can you believe that even more exist?!
Shoot yourself in the chest with a nail gun (Kathy‘s other half)
Fracture your foot going down a single step (createbakemake.com)
Fracture your foot going down a single step (createbakemake.com)
Screw a drill into your lower calf (Erin)
They all hurt like hell, but they’re great for a laugh, in
The dumbest ways to get hurt
The dumbest ways to get hurt
The dumbest ways to get hu-u-u-urt…
So many dumb, so many dumb ways to get hurt.
—-
What’s the silliest way you’ve injured yourself? As I said, I still have more up my sleeve (both my own, and provided by readers), so feel free to add more.
And if you have a starring role but I haven’t linked to your blog or website, let me know and I’ll slot the link in.
Original rewrite (with link to original original song/ad on YouTube): Dumb ways to get hurt
Haha I like this post! There are indeed lots of stupid ways to get yourself hurt!
SO VERY MANY! We’re a talented bunch, really!
I really did walk into a door, but started telling people I fell off a ladder because when you say I walked into a door, people think your husband hit you….so that’s weird.
Hmmmm, hadn’t thought about that. I’m always covered in self-inflicted bruises – I hope people don’t get the wrong idea!
I’m so dumb, I didn’t realise the burning my lip on a cup was me – but yes, I did microwave it then get a big blister (and think it was a cold sore until I remembered I’d burnt it the night before.) It’s alarming how stupid I can be….Ha!
Not dumb! Thanks for contributing. x
Yes – I really did fall off a barstool and whack my head on the way back up. I was on a date (not with Dadabs)
that is hilarious.
Ditto the hilarity. How much longer did the date last?!
brilliant. I could have a whole song to myself I’ve so injury prone. One day on my first visit to the gym, I stepped off a treadmill and broke my ankle. Actually broke it.
I dislocated my knee while doing high kicks on the dancefloor to 80’s pop songs while drunk.
I tore a calf muscle while dancing with my daughter.
I bruised my tailbone after a fall on the dance floor.
I got a stress fracture in my toe from too much dancing.
(I should stop dancing.)
I hit myself in the face with the car sun visor.
and burnt myself when I stupidly decided to rest the hot baking tray on my ample bosom while clearing a space on the bench for it.
Oh wow, you’re not joking! I might have to write a Toushka remix!
Last weekend I fell off our retaining wall while gardening… got a little over zealous pulling out weeds and ended up with a very sore back, elbows and knees lol. I really was never made to be a gardener! xxx Lucy from Bake Play Smile #TeamIBOT
Oh no! I think that’s an excellent excuse to NEVER GARDEN AGAIN! In fact, I might go and ‘fall’ off a wall right now.
Oh my gosh, OUCH! That is gold though. Particular ones that made me squirm were the nail gun and the drill in the calf. But I am ALWAYS grating myself 😉
Love your work Em x
Yes, the nail gun hurts even to read.
Seriously Em this is very clever, better than the first I’d say even! But I have to say that what an accident prone lot us bloggers are! I can’t remember all the stuff I have done, but now I want to do something so I can be on your list!!! Em xx (also visiting as part of #teamIBOT)
I agree it’s better than the first. But it’s everyone’s weirdest ones – the first was all just me! So some lame ones sneaked in. I’ve got enough for yet another one – can I really milk this idea for three?!
This is so so so cool! I’m so chuffed to have Dave right up the top. He’ll now know that getting bitten by a squirrel was not in vain. You’re one talented lady!
Thanks Renee! Yes, please tell Dave that all squirrel-related injuries were well worth it!
Too funny! Just today I whacked my head on the car door getting the baby out then turned the corner to walk down the hall but mis judged and hit the wall!! Your song makes me feel slightly better about my clumsiness!
Oh my goodness, I’ve lost count of the putting-bub-in-the-carseat-related injuries I’ve sustained. It might be safer for him, but much more dangerous for me!!
Hilarious! You have a brilliant talent, really! Love it.
Thanks Jodi. If only there were a living to be made from rewriting songs. Weird Em Yankovic?
Haha love these! When I was at school there was a giant pole (I’m talking nearly a metre in diameter) and I was always walking into it. My friends thought it was hilarious of course!
HAHAHAHAHA!
LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!! Glad we’re all as accident prone as each other! xoxo
The responses are certainly making me feel better about myself.
Wonderful work! (But omg, the nail gun! :O )
My latest personal best was fracturing a toe by catching a falling toilet door upon it. FUN. #teamIBOT
HAHAHAHA! You poor thing. HAHAHAHA!
Love it!!
I smashed my knee and forehead on a glass door once.
It hurt like hell but I acted like nothing happened…
Ah yes, the old whistle, smile, nod and saunter away. To a private place. To CRY AND SCREAM. It’s funny how, no matter how painful the injury, we’re usually more worried about the damage to our pride!
This is excellent !!! I hurt my foot and back when I jumped over a towel into the shower without realising that the floor was wet and I took a huge tumble into the wall – it could have been so much worse so I was relatively happy with my injuries !!!!
Have the best day !
Me
Oh no! I’m glad nothing was broken. That sounds very unfun!
Haha! I broke my coccyx falling off a cupboard. Don’t ask…
Oh no, I must ask!
I realise I will never be taken seriously until I shoot myself in the chest with a nail gun or drill my lower calf. (I suspect having a thumbnail blackened by a cricket ball as a kid doesn’t count!)
No, I’ll take that. Any and all injuries are acceptable!!
Thanks for linking up with us at The Lounge!
Thanks for hosting me!
Love it! I wish I’d seen your original request for input! This was hilarious!!! Kx
There is still time!
My goodness! I’m laughing and cringing, embarrassed to admit just how many of those things I’ve done myself! x
It’s always good to laugh. And even better if you’ve done them yourself – then it’s not like you’re laughing at someone else!
Argh! The closing screen door one! I can feel it now. That is SO painful for such a run of the mill household occurrence. Very funny 🙂
It is indeed quite painful and I’ve done it about three times!
Oh yes, all the time. That and stubbing your toe in the middle of the night when you’re trying to be quiet. Or whacking your head on an overhead cupboard door.
Too funny! I’ve rolled my ankle on flat ground time after time, broken my toe walking into a wooden fruit box, broken my jaw falling onto to a tile floor, nearly knocked myself out cold elbowing a wall (which I swear someone moved) and concussed myself by hitting my head on the nursery windowsill – twice. And that’s just the tip of my accident-prone iceberg!
I think we were separated at birth.
Em, you’re so clever, but I’m squirming just reading all of this! So glad I’m not the only dumb one 🙂
DUMB COORDINATIONALLY-CHALLENGED PEOPLE, UNITE!
Funny. And ouch.
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit
Quite. And very!
Very funny (again) and it’s good to know others are just as accident prone! Ouch to all these.
Thanks Jackie. And thanks for your excellent contribution!!
Love it Em! I broke my wrist falling out of a car when I was 10. And grazed all my hands, legs and chin when I fell off the outside of a moving vehicle at 15 (I was standing on the outside of a 4WD drive, as it was being very slowly moved from one spot to another. Had no idea that even a car moving ridiculously slowly is still moving faster than a human can match speed to and stay upright!)
I’m impressed by these! Cars are clearly dangerous even when you’re not driving them!
I love it, solid gold with a bullet to the top of the chart (hopefully without injuring anyone along the way!)
Haha, thanks! I’d like to thank my fans, my record company, and Taylor Swift for making room for me at the top of the chart!
Love it! I once walked into a lamp post while looking the other way, in the middle of Sydney during the morning rush….. I knew I had done a good job when everyone looked and even a few people stopped to see if I was ok!
Oh no! I hope you were okay and that the worst damage was just to your pride.
Love it! I once walked into a lamp post while looking the other way, in the middle of Sydney during the morning rush….. I knew I had done a good job when everyone looked and even a few people stopped to see if I was ok!
What a fantastic song!!! And its so true there are so many dumb ways to get hurt….
reading a book while walking, walked right into a street pole
{yep that happened to me while in high school} !!!
Haha, I swear those poles are there just to trap we unsuspecting victims!
Too funny. Pretty sure my hubby could give you enough ideas to do another remix.