I have been suffering from a case of the mother guilts. Big time.
I tend to overanalyse everything anyway. But becoming a mother, something that didn’t come with a rule book, gave me plenty to second-guess and feel guilty about.
And becoming a mother of two multiplied this. Exponentially.
I’m learning to rein in the self-imposed guilt trips. And two particular occurrences have helped.
One of the things I have been most worried about is how Ashleigh is coping with my attention being divided. And not 50/50 – babies demand more than just half of your time. Simply feeding and settling creates an imbalance before you’ve even added any other needs.
But Ashleigh has been asking for more babies in the house recently. Eight in fact.
Watch out. I might be the next Octomum.
Unfortunately for my darling daughter, eight more babies is definitely not on the cards. But this delightful(?) request has helped me see that she is used to sharing the attention. Even better than that, in fact. She must be enjoying herself if she wants eight more of these attention-sapping creatures in the house.
Another thing I have been worried about is reading with Mitchell. It probably sounds like a very particular thing to worry about, but books and music are two of the things I focused on when Ashleigh was this age, because they play such a large role in my own life.
I have worried that I just don’t have the time to read to Mitchell as much as I did with Ashleigh at this age.
But this sight – unprompted, undirected – filled my heart with joy:
Oh for sure! Still today even. I’m really wanting to try and spend quality one on one time with each of them but it is so hard. I know especially Miss 8 would get a lot out of it. This parenting gig sure is tough.
It sure is tough! They should write that on the box.
What an adorable picture. Sometimes I think, as Moms, we are our own worst enemy. I think you are doing a great job with your children – it will never be 50/50 but then life isn’t like that so don’t get upset because you are living a normal life !
Have the best day !
Me
Thank you – I was sneaking around quietly trying not to ruin the moment! And thanks for the pep up!
What an adorable sight! Forget about the guilt, honestly, I have 4 and they all get varying attention and they still know they are loved unconditionally. They also pick up the slack and I just love that the 9 year old often helps put the little ones to bed with made up stories. #teamIBOT
That’s it. All I can do is love them and let the rest follow as it will.
So true. My poor #4 doesn’t get much attention from me at all. But she has 2 big sisters and a big brother. She is rarely alone, she hears lots of singing and talking and she is ‘read to’, even though not by me (much). I once read that a sibling is the greatest gift you can give your child (if you are so blessed). You are doing a great job!
There’s always something go on, something to watch and something to listen to and respond to, isn’t there? They’re always learning.
I definitely think siblings gain way more than they lose by having the time divided. And how cute is that picture (heart melt)
Thanks Deb. Yep, I love this picture!
Oh Em you are really speaking to me right now – but please, just let it go. As the months pass by you will have more time to read to him. And don’t forget No.1 didn’t have a sibling to learn from so we were it. It just gets worse you have more children but I have FINALLY let go of the guilt, sort of! Please hun, don’t do it to yourself, you are doing the best you can and that is enough. It gets easier, I PROMISE!!!! (well unless you are crazy like me and have 3 in 3.5 years 😉 )
I am letting it go. To quote the brilliant minds at Pantene, it won’t happen overnight, but it will happen. x
That photo is just gorgeous!
With twins, I forever have the attack of guilts. Breaks my heart when one of them says, “What about me?” But I try to let it go now while at the same time make a conscious effort if I pay a compliment to one, I immediately give one to the other.
Who said this mothering gig was EVER easy???
No-one! No-one has ever said that, surely?!
Oh that picture is priceless!
My last ones definitely don’t get as much of me, but they don’t seem worse for wear. They don’t know it at all!
And nothing can replace sibling love. It’s just priceless
I’m learning that. I love seeing Ashleigh and Mitchell interact.
Yes I am always feeling guilty about the lack of time I give my one year old son. But as you say he has the attention of his older sister (she is almost four) and learns plenty of good (and bad) things from her.
Ah yes, the bad things. I’m sure they’re being taught as well!
What a fabulous place your thoughts led you to! It makes me feel better about trying for another child (my daughter tends to be very jealous..) – and that photo was so heartwarming! I hope one day I can take a pic just like it!
I hope you can too! x
Three under three here, so there was very little time to overthink things when they were little. They are all such great friends and have always been playmates which to me outweighs any guilt I might have felt with the lack of space between them and the one on one attention they may have missed out on as a result.