How many times have you found yourself facing toddler fury, frustration or tears and wondered what you could have done to prevent the situation?
Ashleigh doesn’t throw many tantrums. She’s a thinker, and this seems to extend to situations where she doesn’t get what she wants. She either stops to think about why, or stops to think of alternate means of getting what she wants. (Some of which are quite creative!)
She doesn’t throw many tantrums. But when she does, they are spectacular.
The other day, I felt awful. I was tired, sick, headachey, and just generally miserable.
But instead of being the kind of misery I could lose myself in, it was one that highlighted everything that made me grumpy. The house was a mess, the dishes weren’t done, the washing was piled to the ceiling, and did I mention that the house was a mess?
Ashleigh went down for a nap, and I should have too. But I cleaned. I scrubbed. I washed. I dried. I sorted.
At the same time, I boohooed. I grumped. I grizzled. I generally felt sorry for myself.
All those healthy sorts of productive, motivational activities and feelings.
Then I sat on the couch with a blanket and thought ‘I’ll just get a few minutes of sleep before Ashleigh wa…”
“Mummy? Mummy? Mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy…”
I let her chat to herself for a minute, but quickly realised she wasn’t settling back down. So I went to get her.
She came out to the lounge room in a good mood. She saw that I had a blanket on the couch, and said, “Ashleigh and mummy have sleepy cuddles?”
Eureka! What an angel! I agreed, and we snuggled on the couch.
But she chatted. She squirmed. She squeezed. She wriggled. She jiggled. She giggled.
I asked her to stay still. “It’s quiet sleepy time, sweetie, remember?”
But she chatted. She squirmed, She squeezed. She wriggled. She jiggled. She giggled.
I kept asking her to be quiet. I kept asking her to stay still. I was on the verge of yelling when I took a mental step back from the situation.
She’d just woken up from a two-hour sleep. She knew she’d be back in bed after dinner a few hours later.
She was a bundle of energy with a thousand things to do. Sure, she said she wanted mummy cuddles, but really, she just wanted to be near mummy. Doing things. Having fun.
It was unreasonable to expect her to be still and quiet.
I sat up then and we started playing. I was still tired, sick, headachey and miserable, but I saved myself from adding ‘grumpy and frustrated following a toddler tantrum’ to that list.
One that would have indisputably been my fault anyway.
Have you ever stepped back from a toddler tantrum – pending or happening – and realised you brought it on yourself?
Absolutely – although sometimes even though you know the reasons – overtiredness,frustration, the fact that their desire to have something NOW is asynchronous with their mental maturity to understand why they can’t have it NOW – it is unavoidable. But yes, they can be minimised, if not prevented. My cousin had a favourite moment once where she asked another mother how she dealt with tantrums – “oh,” said the other mother “I don’t let my children have them.” Hmmm, if only there were a Smug Police! I think there are definitely children that don’t have them (I never did, apparently) but sometimes it’s to do with personality. It was somewhat gratifying when my mother (who has cared for 100s of children) witnessed one of my (then 2-y-o)’s ‘meltdowns and I asked her what I could have done differently and she said “nothing, that one was all him!, but he’ll grow out of it” – which he has (at least ones of those sort 🙂
Oh yes. Just because I’ve learnt this lesson, doesn’t mean I’ll now avoid these tantrums! Supermum cape still nowhere to be seen.
Oh all the time. And what’s more it doesn’t stop. The whole going into battle with children seems to be never ending. Many a times lately I have found myself stopping and thinking about what is before me, how we got there and how it could be changed to positive.
fairy wishes and butterfly kisses #teamIBOT
It’s all so much easier in retrospect, isn’t it?
I am yet to find a thing that works all the time for all situations. Love your post. Thanks for visiting my blog today
True that. If you do, keep it to yourself until it’s trademarked. You’ll make squillions!
Yep, been there a million times 🙂 We all go through it and most of us bring up some pretty exceptional kids. I think once we catch ourselves, we do manage to put our pains aside and work out some way of paying them attention or playing with them. We do our best basically!
Becc via #ibot
Catching the moment, I like it. That’s the key, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s too late though, because you can’t back down!
My youngest is a wriggly squirmer. And that’s why I drink wine. Well done on getting the house clean!
xx
Thanks! Shame it was a while ago… better get back on the case!
Oh gee…we’ve had a day FULL of toddler tantrums…x 2!!! We had a spectacular scene at swimming class today and yes, we turned around and blamed it on ourselves…all that free, ample pool time together whilst in Bali. But you know, this parenting gig is all about trial and error…and self-blame, I think 🙂 x
Yep, self-blame and guilt. Two key ingredients in the parenthood recipe.
You are a great mom! good for you for putting your daughters needs and wants before yours! seems moms are the only ones who REALLY care about the dishes in the sink or the socks on the floor..
Or the Play-Doh on the floor or the piles of washing on the lounge or the toys scattered everywhere or the… drat, you made me look!