It’s week five of my bubby bloggy break. (Yes, I’ve spent five whole weeks away from my blog. And I’m enjoying it. Probably. Who knows? I promised myself I wouldn’t return until May, so you’ll have to wait to find out!)
Week five. We’ve had four wonderful guests providing invaluable lessons so far, and that theme continues this week.
Please welcome the inimitable Kim from Falling Face First! Kim and I discovered each other through a mutual love of word nerdery, and I always get a little excited when a new post pops up on her blog.
She tackles the mundane and the controversial with the same straightforward approach and wry wit.
She’s funny, she’s real, she’s clever, and she’s here! Hooray! Enjoy.
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Walk. Don’t run.
Dear, dear Emily. About to give birth to your second baby. When you asked me to guest post I was so pleased and excited I knew I needed to share something important and meaningful with your high calibre readers. What an exciting and nerve-wracking and sleep-deprived and uncomfortable time. So emotional, the anticipation of meeting your new child, combined with fears of altering the special bond you share with your first. You will all love each other and smile a lot and it will be nice.
But I’m not going to talk about that. I’m going to talk about something MUCH more important. When Emily asked me to write a post, I went into my thinking room, and came back out of the shower 10 minutes later with not only clean hair, but also a revelation I simply MUST share with you.
It is this. RUNNING. It sux. Don’t do it. Running is designed for chasing venison with a spear. My venison is in a restaurant with a nice sour cherry sauce, and it’s cooked by Michael Buble while he sings to me. (Ok, so I don’t get out much these days, but I do still get to sleep, and therefore dream). Running is also for when you are BEING chased, say, by a wild boar. We don’t have wild boars in Australia. What? We do? Ok. Well you can run when you see one of them. But otherwise, you can slow it down to an easy walking pace. Running makes your boobs even more belly-button-bound than they were BEFORE you waggled them around near your hungry babies. Running makes you creak. Running makes you red and ugly. Running makes you want to cry (or is that just me?). There are usually no toilets along the way when you run and you may need to wee, especially if you think of something funny. Nobody usually claps you for running. There is no wine bar at the end of a run. When you run you’ll sometimes have to do it up a hill, and these are bad. When this happens (if you failed to follow my advice and started at all), you should sit down and ring somebody. I could continue in this vein for a long time, but you are hopefully beginning to understand the importance of my message.
I hope I’ve inspired you today. Stand with me, and sit down.
xx
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Kim is an editor, writer, mum, wife, substitute pancreas for her type 1 diabetic daughter, and supposedly also a person.
She’s trying to do it all. She suspects she’s failing.
Find her here, at Falling Face First:
Or on facebook or twitter.
Are you a runner? How do you prefer to exercise – with or without rum?
I hear you! I want to run but every time I do I chastise myself for being so silly. I fall over my clunky feet, my heart races and my legs feel like chunks of lead. Walking works for me. And give me an exercise DVD in the comfort of my own home any day!
Ah, Jodi. I have feet like flippers. I’m so pleased to hear I’m not the only one falling over them. 🙂
You’ve succinctly summed up all the reasons why I do not run. I dont Buble either. When I feel like some crooning I go straight to the source – Sinatra. I want to go fly with him right now.
Sinatra is the godfather of crooners – yes. However, from one horizontally-minded woman to another (because we like to not run, of course), I credit your bar in south Bombay. However, don’t underestimate the boob. He’s sweet, he croons, and he looks better with his shirt off.
Inspirational stuff indeed 😀 Totes agree, I will walk from here to Scotland if you would just build me a big enough bridge, but you can stuff running right where the sun doesn’t shine 🙂
I’m with you Ace, I can walk until the clocks stop. But pick up the pace? What’s the rush? Did nobody READ the hare and the tortoise!?
Love this Kim! I agree, running really does suck. I definitely avoid it at all costs. Walking is slightly better, and I prefer to do mine on the treadmill in front of the tv so i can kill two birds with one stone!
Yes. Distraction. It’s always the answer. And so much the better if you have the concentration span of a gnat, like me 😉
After having 3 kids in 3.5 years I dare not run in case something falls out – (too much information?)
Great post and I thought you said rum – so am on my second! Love your work Kim xx
(BTW, hope you’re doing great Em) x
Good girl – doing as you are told. LOL not TMI – I take my two in 18 months and multiply it exponentially….. Thanks Em. Under my child rock lately but hoping to poke my head back properly around the world soon xx
I can run, I want to run, I used to run… But I don’t run. Kim you are such great inspiration to sit on my lounge and do what we do best. You know what I’m talking about right?
Another great post, as always! XX
Lol yes… I’m all about the subliminal messaging … 😉 thanks Robo. God I hope I get to catch up on some reading soon!!!! Xx
I have never been a runner. Even at my fittest, when I was enjoying other sports (unlike now when I only run after children) I have never enjoyed a jog. I do know a lot of people who swear by it though – for fitness, but also stress relief etc. I’m choosing you as my guru, however, and shall remain seated for now.
Thanks Lara. Guru Kim sometimes advocates ‘relaxing’ exercise like riding while seated, and yoga (lying down) and lifting heavy, heavy glasses of wine. Listen, learn my friend. We will reach the higher plane that transcends actual exercise.
God love you, Kim. But I don’t think he loves you as much as I love my running.
Yes, your boobs flip and flop all over the place but I have a solution – double bra it, baby.
You heard me…wear 2 of the upholsters and Run, Kim, Run. There’s no rum at the finishing line, but beer’s always available 🙂 x
Grace – double strapping. What would I do without you? I will never be Forrest Gump, but I will eat all the shrimp. I’ll leave the running for talents like you. I can, however, ride a stationary bike round Australia. x
Very interesting post – I was angry, then I was excited and then I was imagining being chased by a boar! When I find the energy (which is close to never) I quite like running – only exercise I’ll willingly subject myself to
Josefa from #teamIBOT
HA thanks Josefa – glad I put you through your paces (without making you run, of course 😉
Oh the bosom issue is a BIG ONE for me. Get it? BIG ONE? HAha. I couldn’t agree more with your anti running stance. And look at me! I am built like a freaking GODDESS! OK, maybe not a goddess, maybe more like a marshmallow. But still. I say yes to no running!
You ARE a goddess! The goddess of Slapdash! Although… this may be contentious but I’m gonna go there…. I MAY be the goddess of slapdash exercise… AGH! THERE! I said it. Hate me if you will. Wanna fight? Do ya punk?
I wish I had a big bosom issue. It’s all just jealousy really if you boil it down to its teacup origins.
Hahahaha! I am sitting with you!!!
I don’t have much in the boob department, but these legs – and feet – aren’t made for running any more!
MC x
I share your plight Miss C – my boobs are sad empty bags, but they can still flap around in the breeze. The feet however? THey hurt for a week. I’m going to keep needing them so I’m protecting them from such cruel and unnecessary punishment. x
Oh I love your post!!! People’s been telling me to run and that that’s the only way to lose weight post baby! Thanks for giving me a reason not to 😉 although now I tell people I can’t becoz I’m expecting 😉