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Walk, don’t run (guest post)

April 23, 2013 By Emily 23 Comments

It’s week five of my bubby bloggy break. (Yes, I’ve spent five whole weeks away from my blog. And I’m enjoying it. Probably. Who knows? I promised myself I wouldn’t return until May, so you’ll have to wait to find out!)

Week five. We’ve had four wonderful guests providing invaluable lessons so far, and that theme continues this week.

Please welcome the inimitable Kim from Falling Face First! Kim and I discovered each other through a mutual love of word nerdery, and I always get a little excited when a new post pops up on her blog.

She tackles the mundane and the controversial with the same straightforward approach and wry wit.

She’s funny, she’s real, she’s clever, and she’s here! Hooray! Enjoy.

—-

Walk. Don’t run.

Dear, dear Emily. About to give birth to your second baby. When you asked me to guest post I was so pleased and excited I knew I needed to share something important and meaningful with your high calibre readers. What an exciting and nerve-wracking and sleep-deprived and uncomfortable time. So emotional, the anticipation of meeting your new child, combined with fears of altering the special bond you share with your first. You will all love each other and smile a lot and it will be nice.

Right. Let’s talk about something else then. I have learnt much in my 29 (*cough cough*. Sorry. Furball.) years on this planet. (A cab driver said I looked 29 once, and I’m sticking with it. Sue me). I could go big here. Talk about the dominant employment structure in our society, and the rigidity of employers resistant to change, shifting towards more family-friendly policies. Freelance work, part-time work, telecommuting, job-sharing… to quote Howard Hughes at the end of the movie The Aviator, when he is gripped by his OCD and repeats ad finitum, ‘it’s the way of the future’. People continue to breed. Men continue to work full-time, in the majority (if I may generalise), and women continue to be (GASP) educated, intelligent, and intent on making a contribution to their family financially, to the economy, and to themselves, as independent valuable society members in the capacity they choose. Unless the government plans to create a pool of free nannies to be distributed one-per household, workplaces will need to be flexible in the ways they make up the full ‘head’ of an employee. MANAGEMENTY-KIND OF PEOPLE, PLEASE DO THIS. I know it’s annoying, but it’s possible. I’ve been a managementy-kind of person before too, and it’s not THAT hard.

But I’m not going to talk about that. I’m going to talk about something MUCH more important. When Emily asked me to write a post, I went into my thinking room, and came back out of the shower 10 minutes later with not only clean hair, but also a revelation I simply MUST share with you.

It is this. RUNNING. It sux. Don’t do it. Running is designed for chasing venison with a spear. My venison is in a restaurant with a nice sour cherry sauce, and it’s cooked by Michael Buble while he sings to me. (Ok, so I don’t get out much these days, but I do still get to sleep, and therefore dream). Running is also for when you are BEING chased, say, by a wild boar. We don’t have wild boars in Australia. What? We do? Ok. Well you can run when you see one of them.  But otherwise, you can slow it down to an easy walking pace. Running makes your boobs even more belly-button-bound than they were BEFORE you waggled them around near your hungry babies. Running makes you creak. Running makes you red and ugly. Running makes you want to cry (or is that just me?). There are usually no toilets along the way when you run and you may need to wee, especially if you think of something funny. Nobody usually claps you for running. There is no wine bar at the end of a run. When you run you’ll sometimes have to do it up a hill, and these are bad. When this happens (if you failed to follow my advice and started at all), you should sit down and ring somebody. I could continue in this vein for a long time, but you are hopefully beginning to understand the importance of my message.

 

There are better ways to exercise. Pilates, riding a bike to nowhere (called ‘stationary bikes’), walking, can all almost be described as recreational as they either let you lie down for a little sleep at the end, read a book and pretend you’re somewhere else, or chat to somebody along the way and forget where you’re going. Ideal. You may even get fit. Weight? Bah. I’m not touching that one.

I hope I’ve inspired you today. Stand with me, and sit down.

xx
—-


Kim is an editor, writer, mum, wife, substitute pancreas for her type 1 diabetic daughter, and supposedly also a person.

She’s trying to do it all. She suspects she’s failing.

Find her here, at Falling Face First:
 
 

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Are you a runner? How do you prefer to exercise – with or without rum?

Filed Under: (Un)health, Guest post

« Superstitions are hard to shake (guest post)
Children make simple things complicated (guest post) »

Comments

  1. Jodi Gibson says

    April 23, 2013 at 10:29 am

    I hear you! I want to run but every time I do I chastise myself for being so silly. I fall over my clunky feet, my heart races and my legs feel like chunks of lead. Walking works for me. And give me an exercise DVD in the comfort of my own home any day!

    Reply
    • Kim Frost says

      April 23, 2013 at 11:05 pm

      Ah, Jodi. I have feet like flippers. I’m so pleased to hear I’m not the only one falling over them. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  2. mumabulous says

    April 23, 2013 at 3:22 pm

    You’ve succinctly summed up all the reasons why I do not run. I dont Buble either. When I feel like some crooning I go straight to the source – Sinatra. I want to go fly with him right now.

    Reply
    • Kim Frost says

      April 23, 2013 at 11:08 pm

      Sinatra is the godfather of crooners – yes. However, from one horizontally-minded woman to another (because we like to not run, of course), I credit your bar in south Bombay. However, don’t underestimate the boob. He’s sweet, he croons, and he looks better with his shirt off.

      Reply
  3. Oculus Mundi says

    April 23, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    Inspirational stuff indeed πŸ˜€ Totes agree, I will walk from here to Scotland if you would just build me a big enough bridge, but you can stuff running right where the sun doesn’t shine πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • Kim Frost says

      April 23, 2013 at 11:09 pm

      I’m with you Ace, I can walk until the clocks stop. But pick up the pace? What’s the rush? Did nobody READ the hare and the tortoise!?

      Reply
  4. Kylie Purtell says

    April 23, 2013 at 3:51 pm

    Love this Kim! I agree, running really does suck. I definitely avoid it at all costs. Walking is slightly better, and I prefer to do mine on the treadmill in front of the tv so i can kill two birds with one stone!

    Reply
    • Kim Frost says

      April 23, 2013 at 11:10 pm

      Yes. Distraction. It’s always the answer. And so much the better if you have the concentration span of a gnat, like me πŸ˜‰

      Reply
  5. havealaughonme says

    April 23, 2013 at 9:27 pm

    After having 3 kids in 3.5 years I dare not run in case something falls out – (too much information?)
    Great post and I thought you said rum – so am on my second! Love your work Kim xx
    (BTW, hope you’re doing great Em) x

    Reply
    • Kim Frost says

      April 23, 2013 at 11:15 pm

      Good girl – doing as you are told. LOL not TMI – I take my two in 18 months and multiply it exponentially….. Thanks Em. Under my child rock lately but hoping to poke my head back properly around the world soon xx

      Reply
  6. robomum says

    April 23, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    I can run, I want to run, I used to run… But I don’t run. Kim you are such great inspiration to sit on my lounge and do what we do best. You know what I’m talking about right?
    Another great post, as always! XX

    Reply
  7. Kim Frost says

    April 23, 2013 at 11:17 pm

    Lol yes… I’m all about the subliminal messaging … πŸ˜‰ thanks Robo. God I hope I get to catch up on some reading soon!!!! Xx

    Reply
  8. Lara at This Charming Mum says

    April 23, 2013 at 11:56 pm

    I have never been a runner. Even at my fittest, when I was enjoying other sports (unlike now when I only run after children) I have never enjoyed a jog. I do know a lot of people who swear by it though – for fitness, but also stress relief etc. I’m choosing you as my guru, however, and shall remain seated for now.

    Reply
    • Kim Frost says

      April 26, 2013 at 12:02 pm

      Thanks Lara. Guru Kim sometimes advocates ‘relaxing’ exercise like riding while seated, and yoga (lying down) and lifting heavy, heavy glasses of wine. Listen, learn my friend. We will reach the higher plane that transcends actual exercise.

      Reply
  9. Grace says

    April 24, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    God love you, Kim. But I don’t think he loves you as much as I love my running.
    Yes, your boobs flip and flop all over the place but I have a solution – double bra it, baby.
    You heard me…wear 2 of the upholsters and Run, Kim, Run. There’s no rum at the finishing line, but beer’s always available πŸ™‚ x

    Reply
    • Kim Frost says

      April 26, 2013 at 11:59 am

      Grace – double strapping. What would I do without you? I will never be Forrest Gump, but I will eat all the shrimp. I’ll leave the running for talents like you. I can, however, ride a stationary bike round Australia. x

      Reply
  10. Josefa Pete says

    April 24, 2013 at 7:02 pm

    Very interesting post – I was angry, then I was excited and then I was imagining being chased by a boar! When I find the energy (which is close to never) I quite like running – only exercise I’ll willingly subject myself to
    Josefa from #teamIBOT

    Reply
    • Kim Frost says

      April 26, 2013 at 12:00 pm

      HA thanks Josefa – glad I put you through your paces (without making you run, of course πŸ˜‰

      Reply
  11. SlapdashMama says

    April 24, 2013 at 8:57 pm

    Oh the bosom issue is a BIG ONE for me. Get it? BIG ONE? HAha. I couldn’t agree more with your anti running stance. And look at me! I am built like a freaking GODDESS! OK, maybe not a goddess, maybe more like a marshmallow. But still. I say yes to no running!

    Reply
    • Kim Frost says

      April 26, 2013 at 12:06 pm

      You ARE a goddess! The goddess of Slapdash! Although… this may be contentious but I’m gonna go there…. I MAY be the goddess of slapdash exercise… AGH! THERE! I said it. Hate me if you will. Wanna fight? Do ya punk?
      I wish I had a big bosom issue. It’s all just jealousy really if you boil it down to its teacup origins.

      Reply
  12. Miss Cinders says

    April 25, 2013 at 1:26 am

    Hahahaha! I am sitting with you!!!

    I don’t have much in the boob department, but these legs – and feet – aren’t made for running any more!

    MC x

    Reply
    • Kim Frost says

      April 26, 2013 at 12:04 pm

      I share your plight Miss C – my boobs are sad empty bags, but they can still flap around in the breeze. The feet however? THey hurt for a week. I’m going to keep needing them so I’m protecting them from such cruel and unnecessary punishment. x

      Reply
  13. Bubfriendly Winnie says

    April 26, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    Oh I love your post!!! People’s been telling me to run and that that’s the only way to lose weight post baby! Thanks for giving me a reason not to πŸ˜‰ although now I tell people I can’t becoz I’m expecting πŸ˜‰

    Reply

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Hi! I’m Emily

I parent. I write. I blog. I play with words and numbers in my head. Constantly. It's crowded in there.

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