This is not at all a difficult thing for me to say. Nor is it really something new I’ve learnt today.
Cheating? Not really. Because I’ve learnt that some people aren’t proud that they’re a stay-at-home mum (SAHM).
Not because they don’t believe in what they’re doing. But because others don’t.
I could go on about society not valuing what we do, or people not understanding how busy our days are, or how fulfilling it is to shape the minds of young people.
Blah blah blah.
I’m a SAHM because I think it’s best for both Ashleigh and myself. Not just because I think it’s best for her.
If I was doing it because I thought it was best for Ashleigh, but I wasn’t enjoying it, or was spending the days thinking about what I could be achieving in my career, or was resenting the time spent with her, I don’t think I’d be doing the right thing.
I do not want to resent my child.
But I don’t. And I won’t. When I mentally fast forward twenty years, I can see that I would regret not being at home with Ashleigh far more than I would regret having to take a momentary step backwards in my career when I return to work.
Am I worried about my career? Not really. I loved the two jobs I had prior to having Ashleigh. And I don’t ever want to be CEO of Never Having Time Off, or International Head of Constantly Working Overtime, or Queen of the Universe Who is Responsible for Everyone in it. (Editor of the World was on my wishlist once upon a time, but surely I can do that from home around the family?!)
It won’t take me long to get back to the level I was at. Who knows – if society comes around to the idea that being a SAHM is valuable, and time well spent, I may walk straight back into the same job!
I refuse to say that I’m ‘just’ a SAHM. When people ask me what I do, I intentionally leave out the (little) work that I do from home. Even if their eyes glaze over a little when I say that I’m a mum. And that I’m at home with my toddler daughter, who is no longer a baby.
Easier said than done, sometimes. It’s tempting to throw in the extra work and pretend that I’m a superwoman who works, parents, volunteers, socialises, and saves babies from burning buildings. And only occasionally sleeps.
What is with the pressure that we put on each other?
What is with the pressure that we put on ourselves?
I am a stay-at-home mum. I love my job. And I’m proud of it.
Are you a stay-at-home mum? Do you embrace the title, or shy away from it?
I’m a SAHM and proud too! I feel the same way – I am doing it for all of us, and not just because putting three kids in daycare would defeat the purpose of working (money).
As for the pressure we out on each other and ourselves, I find there is a strange competitiveness that goes along with being a mum in a community. Who is sacrificing the most? Who is the busiest? It’s so weird and often ends with women who refuse to be seen as sacrificing or who are simply content being flamed for “just” being a SAHM.
Where do we get off?
Where indeed? I guess it’s the same in most aspects of life. Everything’s a competition to some people. Thanks for visiting!
I am a SAHM but when people ask what I do I tell them I am a blogger. Why? because I’m proud of that too. I could never go back to my previous life, there wouldn’t be any time left for my girls and they are the most important part of my life. Rachel x
#teamIBOT was here
LOVE this. I need to get on the pride bandwagon with the term ‘blogger’ as well.
YOu should be proud. When people ask what you do there is no reason to be concerned with what other people think. If they are successful at anything, odds are they were raised by a stay at home mom.
Thanks Joe! That’s the key – not caring what anyone else thinks. Easier said than done.
I am a very proud stay at home Mum & I wouldn’t have it any other way. My children come first. We should all stand up & shout, “We are proud!” LOL! It is funny that I blogged about the need to be a stay at home Mum now I have a teenager today for #ibot
xx
Sounds interesting! Heading over to check it out.
I love that I’m able to be home with the boys. Admittedly money has started to become a bit tight with everything we’ve paid out for our son’s therapy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. They won’t be young for long, and I want to know that I did what I (we) thought was right for them.
And hopefully right for you too! x
I love being a SAHM.. sometimes I miss the life before children… but I am a different person now.. I just don’t like housework 😛
I’ve never liked housework – I was very careful to say I like being a SAHM, not a housewife! I miss the brain food, but you just find it in other ways.
I would love to be a SAHM and we are going to be making some very drastic changes so that I can be in 6 months time, with a big move. I think the competitiveness and judgement we put on each other and ourselves comes from societies acceptafinale the last decade that women can be successful in the workforce To the same level as men and we are still trying to fit that around the expectation of the traditional roles of the fifties housewife. I hope by the time my kids are adults and parents, there will be a respect for people’s choices and those choices will not cause any disadvantage. Maybe it is us that are struggling to reconcile these things that will be seen as trailblazers in the future 😉
I like your thinking. Trail and error will lead to the final solution!
Yay for SAHMs!! It really is about what works for you, your child(ren) and family, isn’t it? I also agree with leaving the “just” out of being a SAHM. I work, but I never say I’m “just” a working Mum. I value both the role of Mum and Worker and I think that is what it is all about – values will differ, but we should embrace that diversity in thinking and choice, not judge it or put pressure on others or ourselves to change it.
Thanks for your comment, Mandie. I’m glad you took this post as it was intended – an ‘I’m proud of my decision whatever it is’ post and not a ‘SAHMs all the way baby’ post!
I’m not JUST a stay at home mum, sometimes I also take my babies to the park, playgroup, mother’s group, swimming lessons, tiny tots, kindyroo…. 🙂
WORD.
Oh I’m such a proud SAHM. I absolutely love it. There are days when it is hard and exhausting, but like you said, in twenty years we would regret it if we didn’t to it.
There’s no doubting that the author of Diary of a SAHM is a proud SAHM! Thanks, Jess.
Love it. I am a part-time worker, for a variety of reasons, but my “mum” role is the one I’m most proud of.
Thanks, Julie. I’m sure there’s plenty of pride in the work, too.
Love your pride, love your reasons and I wouldn’t mind a dash of that pride. Each mum who chooses to stay home would enjoy reading it I’m sure.
Thanks, Pip! Appreciate your thoughts.
Also a full time SAHM of toddler with new baby coming next month, plan to stay home for at least another 3 years. Am realising after these 2 years that to stay home is not the norm. Someone asked me what I do a few months ago, I said I am a mum and she said yeah but what do you do? I often wondered what I’m earth sahms did all day, before I had kids, wasting their education and so forth, feel bad about those thoughts now lol.
Works for my family and am confident it’s right for us, that’s all that matters 🙂