Last year, I published a poem titled Mirror, Mirror.
It was about being comfortable with what I see in the mirror, and what I see of myself through the mirror. It was about being comfortable with being me, seeing me and knowing me.
But not everyone can say that. Which got me thinking: what if?
What if I was someone who wasn’t comfortable with what I saw in the mirror? What if I wasn’t comfortable with being me, seeing me and knowing me?
What if I’d done something awful to someone – perhaps even many someones? What if I couldn’t honestly reflect on who I was and what I’d done? What if I lied to the people around me? What if I lied to myself?
That doesn’t describe me. But what would the piece look like if it did?
Perhaps a little like this. Here’s Broken Mirror.
—
Image source (used with permission)
I can’t look in the mirror
I won’t like what I see
I refuse to see myself
The way that you see me
I can’t look in the mirror
I won’t look at my face
I’ll hide behind the layers
I’ve built to hide the base
I can’t look in the mirror
I can’t begin to view
The ways that I’ve behaved
The ways that I’ve hurt you
I can’t look in the mirror
My eyes will remain closed
I know that if they open
My lies will be exposed
I can’t look in the mirror
I’ll look just over there
I’ll place the blame on those
For whom I claim to care
I can’t look in the mirror
I’m scared that it will crack
I’m scared that it will judge
I’m scared it will look back
—
What does your relationship with your mirror look like? Feel free to reflect here. (Pun totally intended. And not particularly original.)
This is beautiful lovely – and you don’t need to hide at all. I hate a love/hate relationship with the mirror. I often feel like I’ve lost the light in my eyes after my diagnosis. BUT maybe I’m just getting old. My short hair is a constant reminder of what I went through. I feel like I won’t feel good about myself until I look like myself. I know I need to embrace the physical ‘me’ I am now but it’s taking longer than expected. As is my hair regrowth ha! x x
Thank you for sharing. I saw plenty of light in those eyes at PB but perhaps the environment lends the light occasionally. And yes, constant physical reminders of our struggles are difficult. While it’s not in the same league, I feel similarly disheartened by my end-of-day fluid retention.
(And I promise I’m not the one who’s hiding. Thank you for the reassurance though. x)
I wrote a post on just this a few years ago http://pandoraandmax.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/conversations-with-mirror.html.
I’ve gained weight which is depressing, so I avoid mirrors at the moment. Not that I was a big mirror looker anyway….I catch glimpses and am mildly horrified…
I think I read this first time around! So many mentions of mirrors in fairy tales. And generally tied to vanity. I think the mirror can be your friend without becoming your best friend. Or an anchor.
That was beautifully raw Em I think at one stage or another, we can all relate to feeling like this. xx
Thank you, Jodi. Means a lot x
Em, I’ve been thinking about this poem since last night. I think, sometimes we need to forget the mirror. It doesn’t reflect who we are, only the flaws we are usually seeking out. The best reflection is (excuse the corniness) in the eyes of those who love us and see us as our best selves.
Thank you. I’m happy to forget the mirror. But I’m also okay with what I see in the mirror. I don’t think everyone is, though. Nor do I think everyone should be. Not if they’re looking at who they really are. x
My relationship with the mirror changes from day to day and situation to situation. Sometimes it’s positive, sometimes it’s not.
Ingrid
http://www.fabulousandfunlife.blogspot.com.au
Thanks, Ingrid. True of everything in our lives, I suppose. Sometimes positive, sometimes not so much.
Yay you’re back and with a cracker of a poem too! I think my relationship with the mirror varies, depending on how it catches me or how I catch myself in it. This poem has left me with plenty to think about and reflect (ha!) upon.
Yay, I was back! And then I disappeared again. But I’ll be back again soon, I promise!
Beautiful words, Em. I don’t know that I REALLY look into the mirror a lot if you know what I mean. I look in it to check I have no food on my teeth, my hair and makeup are okay – but I don’t often look deeper than that. Maybe I should start to 🙂
Sounds like a pretty healthy relationship with your mirror. And I’m pretty sure you know who you really are, anyway. x
I love this Em. The mirror and I have a love hate relationship, taking steps currently to get the balance right x
I hope you’ve found that balance since this comment x
Every day it’s different. Some days it’s good, some days it’s just like this broken mirror. The older I get though the less broken mirror days I have though.
That last sentence. YES. Becoming more and more comfortable with myself.
I’ve grown to appreciate how I look in the mirror more as I age. I like my face more but also dislike my weight more (it used to be the opposite!) I am more content with myself as a person though – I believe in myself way more then I used to. I think that’s far more important than my physical reflection x
Isn’t that interesting? There’s always something to look at and be happy about, and something to… well, not so much. I also believe in myself more these days. I also stand up for more that I believe in, and put up with less. If you treat me or my kids like we’re less than, watch out!
Gorgeous poem beautiful. I struggle with my reflection sometimes. I don’t really see myself in the fine lines and the acne that just won’t go away. But I probably zero in on things others might not even see.
Thank you. And definitely – I remember telling someone I hated a particular photo because of a particular flaw, and they said they hadn’t seen it. And they didn’t mean until I said it, either. Simply didn’t see it.
A really thoughful post..and great to see you here again. I have a mixed relationship with my mirror and probably always have. These days, much of the excess weight I ‘hated’ has gone but the reason why it has gone has not made me happy. I can’t look in the mirror with much positivity some days. It is my mood I guess and the fact that I see my ‘older’ me every.single.day. and her name is Mum. Mum died 10 years ago but my physical body in my late 60s is so resembling my memories of what Mum looked like I find the ageing (the really truly ageing) even more confronting.
Oh Denyse, how difficult. Our mood colours so much of what we see, doesn’t it? x
Oh gosh these words are really powerful. I think I have a bit of a love hate relationship with the mirror. I also think that sometimes we’ll find flaws in the mirror even if they’re really not there. Or at least they aren’t as obvious as we believe them to be.
Yes. Yes. Yes. And thank you so much. That’s the best compliment I can get. x
I think you’re amazing. I love this poem. For me, sometimes a hard look in the mirror tells me what I need to work on, and sometimes I’m surprised by what I see because what I thought was a bad thing, wasn’t so. Now when I read that, it makes no sense. LOL.
Thank you so much. And yes, I understand. Thank you for sharing. x
I must have the best mirror, the lighting is too kind. Once makeuped and hair done I feel younger and thinner than I really am. Until I catch a reflection in another mirror or window and I think who the hell is that old girl who looks bigger than she imagined if only mirrors could talk hey! I bet your mirror sees all the lovely we see xx #teamIBOT
Hahaha! I think my local Myer has mirrors like that. I fall in love with everything I try on, get it home, and then… oops.
Hello to every body, it’s my first visit of this weblog; this
web site contains remarkable and in fact fine
information designed for readers.
What’s Happening i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve found It absolutely helpful and it has helped me out loads.
I’m hoping to contribute & aid different customers like its aided me.
Great job.