Have you ever flown with young children?
I have. I flew with my daughter when she was 14 months old, and then again with both children when they were 3 years old and 4 months old respectively.
And both flights went very smoothly.*
*I’m fibbing. Telling white lies. Okay, I’m flat out lying. They were awful.
And it can go smoothly for you, too! Here is your 15-step action plan to making flying with children a breeze. Hip hip hooray!
They’re ready to fly! What could possibly go wrong?
—
Step 1. PLAN.
Plan your journey. Plan your travel. Plan every word you’ll say and every thought you’ll have. Plan, plan, plan.
Step 2. PLAN SOME MORE.
Write lists. Lists of things to take. Lists of things to do. Lists of songs to sing to calm the kids. Lists of people to call as you sit in the airport lounge and pretend the screaming children in the airport are not yours… Lists. Lots of lists.
Step 3. SERIOUSLY. KEEP PLANNING.
You’ve forgotten something. This is not an assumption on my part. It’s a fact. KEEP. PLANNING.
Step 4. STOP PLANNING.
Phew. Does this mean you’ve thought of everything?
No. Of course not! But you’ve run out of planning time, and now you have to start the actual doing of stuff.
Step 5. PACK YOUR LUGGAGE.
Pack suitcases for yourself and your children. Pack enough clothing for double the amount of time you’ll be away. Then add more.
Step 6. PACK YOUR CARRY-ON.
Pack bags for yourself and your children. Pack enough child-entertaining stuff for double the amount of time you’ll be on the plane. Then add more.
Pack enough nappies and wipes (if applicable) for quadruple the amount of time you’ll be on the plane. Then add more. Then double it. Three times. And throw in a change of clothes for yourself. (Don’t laugh. I’m not exaggerating. Think of the worst poonami you’ve ever seen. Then double it. Three times. That’s what experts like to call a plane-nami.)
Don’t pack anything with which to entertain yourself. You won’t use it.
Step 7. HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
I’ve written this step here, but there’s no need to include this in your official preparation list. It will happen anyway.
Step 8. GET TO THE AIRPORT EARLY.
You want to be checked in and complication-free when your kids have their “WHYYYYYY DO WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR THREE HOURS AT THE AIRPORT WHYYYYYY?” meltdowns. Simultaneously.
Step 9.a) GET ON THE PLANE FIRST.
Complete option a) if your kids are tantrumming. Board immediately, settle your kids in their seats and start pulling goodies from the carry-on bags of entertainment. Bribe them if you have to. If you’re early enough, there will be no witnesses.
Step 9.b) GET ON THE PLANE LAST.
Complete option b) if your kids are being (shock horror!) well-behaved. You must take every opportunity you have to strut past people and show them that you’ve totally nailed this whole parenting thing. Bonus points if you have Stayin’ Alive blasting from your phone as you strut down the aisle.
Step 10. TENSE UP.
If you haven’t done it already, it’s time to admit to yourself that this flight is going to be awful. AWFUL!
Step 11. START TO RELAX.
Well, hey. Look at that. You’re hours into the flight and the kids have been angels. Why does everyone think flying with the kids is so difficult? It’s a piece of cake! Get out your phone and start playing Stayin’ Alive again.
Step 12. GO CRAY CRAY AS YOUR CHILDREN START SCREAMING.
Take-off was fine. The flight was fine. The kids have enjoyed the novelty. But as the plane begins its descent, the screams begin. What is going on?
Perhaps this is just me and my kids. The rest of the flight is fine, if not fabulously fun and enjoyable. But all of that is undone the instant the plane starts descending and the changes in cabin pressure begin. Your kids will scream. They will cry. You will be convinced that they are auditioning for a remake of the Exorcist. The descent will be hell. Sorry.
(Note to anyone and everyone who finds themselves on a plane with young ones: there is nothing – nothing – a parent, flight attendant or anyone can do to make children’s ears feel better, and they are too young to understand that it’s temporary. Dagger eyes will get you nothing other than a label as heartless. Sympathetic looks and offers of chocolate have a much better chance of cutting through.)
Step 13. RESTRAIN YOUR CHILDREN.
“The pressure is gone! My ears aren’t popping! Planes are fun again! I want to run around the plane! I want to meet everyone on the plane! MMMMUUUUMMMM let me go!!!” – every young child’s inner monologue after a plane has landed and is taxiing.
Step 14. RUN OFF THE PLANE.
Contrary to step 9, there is no choice between option a) and option b) when you exit the plane. There will be no glorious strut past your fellow passengers as you demonstrate that you’ve nailed this whole parenting thing.
Turn off Stayin’ Alive. Leave your fellow passengers for dead. GET OUT OF THERE.
Step 15. ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY.
AAAHHH. You are on holiday. It is so relaxing. It is wonderful. It is glorious. It is everything you dreamed it would be. Enjoy it. You’ve well and truly earned it.
And whatever you do, don’t think about the return flight…
—
Have you travelled with young kids? Do you have any (actual) tips to share?
This post is an entry into a competition run by Virgin Australia and ProBlogger as outlined here.
Oh this all sounds so enticing…! I think we’ll stick to short trips for a few years longer!
Didn’t I sell it to you? Drat!
Lol! This is very timely actually. We have flown to NZ with our son when he was about 22 months old, it was a breeze. But now we are going on a much longer flight to LA and he is a energetic 3.5 year old and I wonder how he is going to go for 13 hours straight! I’m just a tad nervous and suspect his cabin luggage is going to be full of things to keep him occupied. I also will have no hesitation in pulling out the iPad!
No hesitation! Good idea. Our second flight wasn’t that bad. I MAY have exaggerated ever-so-slightly for (arguably) comedic effect. We played MANY games of Snap and Go Fish. Good luck, and enjoy LA!
We had to fly home from China with our newly adopted babies (aged 13 months and 9 months respectively). Then we chose (silly us) to fly to live in Canada for a year when our son was 11 months, flying home when he was almost 2. It’s a long way to Canada. Plus we flew to New York and Disneyland from Vancouver all when he was a toddler. You would think we’d learn our lesson.
Wow! Well done. Have you recovered from the experience yet?
You’ve just reminded me why we haven’t travelled with the kids yet. Most I’ve done is a one hour flight to the Gold Coast, and that was bad enough… Good luck!
Well done on avoiding the situation altogether! Our first trip (with 14-month-old) was to Perth and back. She’d just weaned herself so feeding through the ear-popping wasn’t an option. At least I could do that with four-month-old for the second trip!
I’ve never flow for more than 3 hours at a time with my kids. We had some horrific flights when they were little, but they are improving with age.
The longest I’ve flown with them was 4.5 hours. So I’m not talking about super long-haul flights here. Hats off to parents who attempt (and successfully navigate!) those!
Love it Em! The last couple of times we have flown with kids we have taken a nanna and a pa, an aunty and an uncle and 3 other big cousins…. so plenty of extra laps to palm them around to!
Ooh, that’s a good plan! Bored? On to the next person!
Too funny. Thankfully, all my three were pretty good travelers, although we didn’t do many flights when they were really little more long road trips. Apart from the odd bit of motion sickness it was pretty smooth sailing.
We’ve done A LOT of road trips. Now I’m thinking I could have done a post about those! We did one just recently – those Disney talking books from the Kidspot Voices function came along at exactly the right time!
Ha, this is great! My boys have flown a fair bit thanks to all our family living interstate and we’ve certainly had some shockers. I especially love when people give me dirty looks as we are getting on the plane and they are behaved!
That makes me laugh. They’re giving you pre-emptive dirty looks? That would just make me think, “Well, why should I bother trying to keep the noise down?!”
I think I had quite a few of those nervous breakdowns with my lot. The projectile vomiting over my shoulder on the plane as I walked down the aisle was one highlight. I suppose the other passengers weren’t exactly thrilled about it either. Awesome post!
OH NO! Projectile vomiting! Sorry, but I can’t help this next bit: BAHAHAHAHA!
Step 7 is very important … and eventually you get to Step 15 and breathe a sigh of relief!
Step 15 is VERY important. You need to recharge before the flight home!
Oh Em you’ve nailed it – restrain them and stress and worry the entire bloody flight. I’ll add try not to give rude people the evil shit eye!!!
I don’t bother trying to restrain the evil eye! Kids are gonna be kids.
Ha ha love this. We have been “that” family many times! Lollipops for take offs and landings, although if prone to sugar highs that’s not such a good tip! Ipads or some form of screen has made it better for us these days and lots of snacks.
Lollipops sound good! We had those suckable yoghurt sachets, which my kids ADORE, but they didn’t work.
Ah yes, the memories are all flooding back. Lollipops can help with the ear popping but the stickiness almost makes it not worth the effort. And do not, I repeat, do not, let four-year-old son fall asleep ten minutes before descent. Actually, I think there’s a whole post in that story so I will say no more!
Second vote for lollipops! Great, thanks.
Haha, we are about to undertake our first flight with children in three weeks and I am completely terrified. These posts have come at a great time to give me good tips (and terrify me some more)
I’m sorry to add to the terror! I hope your laughs were genuine laughs instead of “I’m laughing so I don’t cry” laughs. x
Yup. I remember those days. All too vividly …
Hard to erase some memories, isn’t it?
I remember flying from Melbourne to Perth when my daughter was two. She was pretty well-behaved, not noisy but restless. Towards the end of the flight, the lady infront of me, turned around, shook her fist and growled at me (yes, growled). At which point, I burst into tears and said “What the hell do you want me to do lady?”. At the time I was mortified, but it’s now a story to tell. It really continues to amaze me at how intolerant some people can be.
So rude! Actually growled? Says more about her than you or your daughter!
I’ve only done this once with 2 kids (never with all 3) and you’ve pretty much summed it up! My poor then-2-yo screamed for the whole descent and there was nothing I could do. You can’t even cuddle them on your lap! We’ve been too scared to do it again, but the time will surely come.
Oh, it’s awful. We had wonderful flight attendants on one flight who took to explaining the situation to the people around us and drumming up support instead of grumbles! It was lovely, but it still didn’t take the pain away.
Kids and planes just aren’t the best combination, are they? At least we can laff and laff. x
No, they are not. Too many rules. Too much waiting. Too much restriction.
Laughing. So. Hard.
Our now Mr 6 has proven to be a good plane traveller once he passed the 3yo mark. But our experience with him with he was 18 months old on flights to and from Sydney? That taught us to not go near a plane with Mia till she’s 10.
Oh dear! Glad it made you laugh instead of recoil in shock as the memories came flooding back!
And THAT is exactly why we waited til our kids were that little bit older lol xx
NICE. WORK.
I must say, I’ve felt like number 13 myself a few times.
Haha, yes! Unless you’re one of those people who jumps out of their seat and grabs their stuff then loudly sighs when you have to wait for others to leave the plane first. Then GRRR.
Stressful stuff Em, but something you can happily reflect on waaaaaaaaaaay down the track 🙂
It’s so hard to make them understand when they’re littlies xx
So, so hard. “This pain is necessary so we can get to our holiday destination!” Nope. Doesn’t cut it.