emhawkerblog

The blog about reading, writing, singing, familying and verbing.

We didn’t start the mummy wars

By 66 Comments

The mummy wars. GROAN, right?

Don’t worry. I’m not here to provoke them. I’m not here to stir the pot, poke the bear or perform some other cliché of anger-mongering.

I’m here to calm them.

In song format, of course. Because that’s what I do. That’s how I handle conflict.

We-didn't-start-the-mummy-wars

Early last year, I published some new lyrics to We Didn’t Start the Fire. The lyrics? We Didn’t Start the Mummy Wars.

They went gangbusters. It was easily the most popular post I’d published until then. It still regularly cracks my top five.

And there were many calls to turn it into a clip.

So I’ve finally done it. With the help of some wonderful bloggy friends of mine.

Please join Maxabella (Maxabella loves), Em (Have a Laugh on Me), Grace (With Some Grace), Jess (Essentially Jess), Kylie (Kylie Purtell – A Study in Contradictions), Rebecca (Seeing the Lighter Side), Mumma McD (Toilets aren’t for Turtles), Renee (Mummy, Wife, Me), Rhianna (Rhianna Writes) and yours truly as we sing for you!

(Phew. What a line-up. Thank you, lovely ladies. Thanks also to my step-sister Issy for putting all the clips together for me. Legend.)

Here we go…

 

Gwyneth Paltrow’s in the news
Kochie’s got breastfeeding views
Celebrity post-baby pics (the 57th take…)
This one thinks that it’s a doddle
That one thinks you mollycoddle
Seems you’ll make the wrong choices whichever ones you make

(awkward instrumental staring bit)

Conceive early, trouble trying
IVF, egg buying
Single parent, loved up, part of a parenting team
Natural birth, C-section
Water home birth election
Hospital stay, home the same day, whatever the dream!

We didn’t start the mummy wars
They’ve been always flaring since we’ve been child-bearing
We didn’t start the mummy wars
If we didn’t ignite them why do we still fight them?

Breastfeeding, latch on
“It’s too hard!” “You’ll catch on!”
Bottle feed, formula, pump milk with a machine
Mastitis, milk flow
Solids, babycino
Strict schedule, bub-led weaning, something in between

Gluten-free, lactose-free
Fish and chips with sauce for tea
Organic, probiotic, low in salt and fat
Pre-packaged, processed
Superfoods are best!
Allergens, additives, what’s with all of that?

We didn’t start the mummy wars
They’ve been always raging but we’re still engaging
We didn’t start the mummy wars
No we didn’t plan them so let’s try to can them

Bassinet, bed, cot
Video feed, zoom shot
Baby sling, pram, stroller, capsule in the car
Controlled crying, let ’em weep
Cuddle always, co-sleep
Shush now, earplugs, twinkle little star

(Twinkle, twinkle, little star…)

Love the mum life, afterglow
PND, feeling low
Out and about, social life, stay at home at first
Nappies of cloth or plastic
Stud buttons or elastic
Up a size, wear ’em loose, wear ’em ’til they burst

We didn’t start the mummy wars
Someone just decided mums should be derided
We didn’t start the mummy wars
So please stop the scoring ’cause I’m sick of warring

Only child, pigeon pair
“The third one was an accident, yeah?”
One year gap, ten years, match it up to your peers
Stay at home, full-time work
Part-time work, freelance work
Home all day or childcare – why does everybody care?
Kindergarten, primary school
Ballet classes, swimming pool
Home school, learn through play – what else do I have to say?

We didn’t start the mummy wars
But we’re always sparring, feathering and tarring
We didn’t start the mummy wars
If you haven’t worn my shoes then don’t mock what I choose

Disciplined, “in a cage”
Let ’em loose, “free-range”
Time outs, mummy doubts, baby whispers, toddler shouts
Devil baby, angel child
Feisty player, meek and mild
Pays attention, likes to learn, ants in pants, energy to burn

Big tantrum in public
Everybody’s frantic
Shoulda, coulda, woulda done, stranger tries to SMACK your son
Loud yelling, deep discussions
Excuses, repurcussions
She should know better – she’s only four
I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

We didn’t start the mummy wars
People judging others, focusing on mothers
We didn’t start the mummy wars
I hope that when I’m gone
They don’t still rage on and on and on…

 

Are you sick of the bleeping mummy wars?

Comments

  3. Ha! I hate it – I don’t get how people can be bothered…interestingly, I like to think all that patronising self-righteousness will come back and bite you as a mummy of a teen….

    Reply

    • I know, right? We’re all experts at parenting until we become one. Even then, everything we think we know with one child is undone by the next! And the next…

      Reply

  8. This was brilliant! Thank you for sharing, great performances from everyone. And also, crammed into one song like that, doesn’t it make it look ridiculous all the judgement that mums have to endure. Just leave us alone to parent our own children as we see fit. Great message!

    Reply

    • Isn’t it ridiculous?! I had more verses as well but at four minutes, the original song was already long enough without extending it. But we’re judged for far more than that. Awful, isn’t it?

      Reply

    • Bahaha! TMI! Thanks Nat – glad you enjoyed it. Yes, I’m a big fan of all the microphones too. And just the creativeness of everyone in general.

      Reply

  13. You are so funny, lovely Em. Thanks for asking me to be part of it. You know how embarrassing it is when someone stops you in the street and says, “excuse me, your dress is tucked into your undies at the back?”… well, this is my online equivalent of that. And as soon as I saw it I thought “why didn’t I do something cute with the kids like my talented fellow mummies” Gah. x

    Reply

    • Embarrassing? No way! YOU ROCK! Thank you so much for being a part of it. And I like that everyone did different things! I think it all works, and way better than if I’d tried to think of and direct all the different things.

      Reply

    • You did a stellar job too! Thanks for contributing. (Hubster loves your little tap/acceptance face at the end of your bit. Yep. That’s parenting!)

      Reply

    • Thanks Kirsty! And thanks for the singing compliment, but all I hear are pitch issues. (You’re always your own worst critic, right?) Still love it, though! All worth it.

      Reply

    • Thanks Bec. And YES, another BIG SHOUT OUT to Issy. Love it. Thanks for being a part of it – and at the last minute, and with such a quick turnaround! x

      Reply

    • Thanks Sam. Brave? Yeah, probably. I just had the thought that future potential employers will see this if they google my name. Interesting thought!

      Reply

  25. Very clever. Here I was congratulating myself today for changing the lyrics to “pippy long stocking” to suit my baby girl. Ha ha ha. Not quite in the same league..

    Reply

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